[- JING -]

Bringing out the worst in me.

2012-02-07T23:31:00.003+08:00

You want me to speak my mind.
I did.
Then?
If only I knew why, I would have told you why.

What's with all the negativity?
when I used to be positive, or at least I think I was.
Maybe that is how I am, maybe for now or forever.
Or with the lousy attitude that I had.
A side of me no one would really know.
After knowing this side of me, and knowing that there is a possibility I would remain like that
Would you love me less or love me the same?
Is that the Huijing you knew? or the Huijing you once loved?

If it was that Huijing that you knew in the past,
Would you still love her the same?
I dont think so.
Think hard and fast about why you love me in the first place?
Remembering how I was like in the past, bubbly, cheerful.
Would you still love me now, hoping that I would be the same person you knew in the past.
Right now, I am just a negative depressed person who cant practise what she preach.
who cant exactly handle her own emotions, shows attitude as and when she like.
I wouldnt even want to love someone like me. why would you?
Are you in love with how I was like in the past, or how I am like as a person?

Somehow, this relationship brings out the worst in me.
Maybe it was always in me? Or Maybe I am changing?
And Sometimes I wonder if the changes is a good thing.
I am not exactly sure how and why I am feeling now.
All this negativity, I wonder how I am gonna be okay.
Somehow, I know its wearing you down.
Maybe it would be a good thing to shut up when I need to rant.

what can we not quarrel abt.

2012-01-30T20:56:00.003+08:00

FUCKING QUASH ALSO CAN FIGHT WITH ME.

Serious. what can we not fight about?

dont play then dont play la. it doesnt matter if I want to play what.

Because if you dont want to play, then what is the point of playing.

The point is I ALREADY FUCKING LEFT THE PLACE.

Means I already fucking over it that I am not playing quash.

SO WHY ARE YOU FREAKING HARPING ON THE GODDAMN PROCESS.

when I already ask you to stop harping on it already.

IT DOESNT MATTER. I am not a sucker for quash okay.

Its not like I will die also.

If you dont want to play, then nvm lo,

I also dont play.

Like you wan me to stand up on the train stand lo,

Like you dont want to play, then I also dont play lo.

One for all, all for one. isnt it so.

According to your theory.

THE MOST IMPT THING! not abt the fucking theory.

I AM ALREADY FUCKING OVER IT.

WHY ARE YOU HARPING ON SMTH THAT I AM FUCKING OVER IT ALREADY.

the fact i chose to leave, its my problem what. and I nv blame you for not being able to play quash what. so why you harping on it? yeah, so just SHUT IT already. stop talking abt it. because its OVER.

Or you wan to turn back time.

or next time dont do it again?

It's like your sucky gf cannot do what you want again. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

stand up with you on the train - I am a lazy bum, I like to sit

speak softer to you - I always talk loud, its not like you dunno.

wan bu qi de gf - that's how I am, deal with it.

sit beside you all the time - I am that insenstive

take initiative to talk first - because your tired? because I make you angry first.

the list goes on la I cant fking rmb.

So many things, then why?

So with all that, are you gonna accept me? or say me everyday until I change?

all you care abt is pointing my imperfections and teaching me how to be YOUR BETTER Girlfriend, the kind of gal you want.

Everything also say say say. Your gf fake one ah, Your gf got feelings okay.

How would you feel? Everyday got something to say about what you do. how you feel?

Everytime I also in the wrong. then you always right.

Everyday quarrel, unhappy, temper, dont talk. freaking vicious cycle, And you think its okay.

It makes me feel fucking lousy you know. Like I am never gd enough to be your gf. like I am damn fucking jiat lat, cannot make you happy kind, or you just got alot of things you wanna gei gao.

And sometimes I just feel you damn gei gao.

Because sometimes, its not even necessary la. thats how I am. Give and take la.

But seems like things I do always got problem la.

I am not like you. everything must confront confront confront.

Yeah my turn to change for the better right.

Because I am as worse as can be.

not like your fucking ideal gf right.

2011-11-30T01:50:00.002+08:00

yan lei wei she me bu zhen qi.

hurts the most when the truth hits you.

That you are going lose it all.
That perhaps we werent not meant to be.
That perhaps it wasnt meant for me.
That I wasnt ready to love. like how ready you were to do the same for me.
That there's a possibility that I am losing someone who love me the most.
That I cannot find someone else like you.
That I wasnt meant for love.
That I perhaps deserve to be alone because I am incapable of loving someone.
That this is my tolerance, and how far I can go for someone.
That perhaps for every relationship, it will end up this way.
That I am in fact very weak.

Let it out, clear your thoughts
Convince yourself, and you will stop crying.

Apart of me want to believe in fate,
that maybe, just maybe.
we could changed for each other.
and we can get back tgt in the future.
If we are really meant to be.
Just maybe.

Anger

2011-11-19T02:47:00.001+08:00

Guess I am always a source of your frustration and anger.

Why are you always angry with me?

Am I that unbearable? Why are you unhappy with me? Is there anytime when you are happy with me?

Life's too short for frustrations.

And I am your source of frustrations.

I wonder if you ever thought how your anger and frustrations would have an impact on me.

Will I be able to take all this? And eventually, what happens?

2011-11-16T15:34:00.002+08:00

Do whatever you deem fit seriously. I dont need all this right now.

You are doing this to yourself. Not me.

Just hope that you are studying.

2011-11-16T04:54:00.001+08:00

It's the small little things that kill us slowly. Not the big ones. The big ones just make us want to end it all.

It's about choice. Whether you let it affect you or not.
I choose not to let it affect me.

Don't understand.
I think i never will.

When will I start blogging about happy stuff?

2011-10-28T17:37:00.002+08:00

If you have a problem, deal with it.
Dont ask people to deal with it for you.
You're the one with the problem, not me or them.

Instead of keep asking people to make the change,
What else can you do besides say " I dont like "
Just because you dont like, people must make the change?
or should have you been taking the change for granted?

You dont see the need to make the change in yourself?

Next thing you will ask me, What change have you made?

Not going for the progs outing. because If I could, I would have gone for every.
I would want to be there for everything.
That's my change.

Or not enough?
Give in to everything you say?
Is that what you consider change?

What is yours?

2011-10-23T18:32:00.002+08:00

I just want US to be happy.

Why is it so difficult?

2011-10-20T21:04:00.003+08:00

progs is part of my life.
like how JCRC is part of yours.

If I asked you to choose between JCRC and Me,
What would your answer be?
Think again.
Put yourself in my shoes, what would you do?

But then again, we should never be made to choose.
or asked to give up something that was already part of our lives.
And the consequence of quitting and imposing on other people is the last thing I will expect myself to do. It's wouldnt be Huijing anymore. Because I am never that kind of person.
Are you that great to choose me over JCRC at the expense of the other people in the comm?
If you are, I have really nothing to say anymore.

Even if I did give up sports camp, do you really think problems will disappear?
Because it wont disappear. Because we are the people dealing with the problems, and problems can surface from other things, not only sports camp.
Making me choosing you over sports camp isnt an instant solution to us being happy.
To you, it makes you clearly see that You're my number one choice.
To me, its asking me give up something that was already been there, before you came into the picture. Quitting my responsibilities, imposing on others and it has detrimental effects on the comm. And that is why I cant quit. It's not me to do something like that.

We have to recognise that there are greater issues and differences that we have, not only abt me being a prog. It also about how accepting you are towards that fact that I am a prog.
If you cant accept it, it will come back to haunt us again and again and again.
And the thing that happen yesterday, will surface again.
With things becoming more bitter than ever before.

That's why the 1 week gives us the time to think if we can really do it all, if we really do want to make it work, if we are really too tired to continue with this journey, if our relationship is worth it.

2011-10-20T01:32:00.002+08:00

how can you say such hurtful stuff?
Like you are nothing to me?
You're everything to me.
How can I make you see?
How?

My heart is bleeding.
Why do you say such things?
Whatever we have been through, were they all nothing to you?
Did I always make you feel this way?
When I really tried my hardest, and all you can do is to make me choose.
I am devastated.
I am gonna lose you.
I cant deal with you it.
How can you bear to leave me like that?
How can you?
How can you make me choose?

What forever and always?
" try my best to make this relationship work"
put in more effort?
one day shout out to me say the 3 words.
All lies. I just lost all my faith in love. You did it for me.
I guess you just dont love me anymore,
that you can just bear to leave me like that, just so by making me choose.

There's no more love.
I knew I was gonna lose you. today is that day.
You dont love me anymore. You can just leave me so easily.
I dont mean a thing to you.
my heart hurts so bloody bad.
IT's all gone. everything.

my heart hurts. I felt so worthless.
i am nth to you,
anymore.

2011-10-20T01:19:00.002+08:00

Heart broken.

Why?
Why does someone who love me dearly make me choose?

Knowing that I want him so bad as well.

Why?
Why?

Never felt like that before.
I dont wanna lose you.
But I think I did.
I lost you already.

I am crying so hard.
I feel like i am gonna die of crying.

2011-10-19T02:22:00.003+08:00

no solution = break up?

Why leave when people still like each other?
When it hurts so bad to leave each other.

Must everything have solution?
Must I always lose something to gain something else?
Must I choose something over the latter?
Is love suppose to be like that?
Is that the definition of love?

Did I forget how to love?

I dont want to lose you. But yet, I dont know how to keep you.
Have I already lost you? Or am I in the midst of losing you?
In which loves disappears. There's no purpose in continuing?
It's sad to think of things like that.

Stay strong, be strong no matter what happens.
Stop crying.

Dear Dear
I read your post.
I am glad you're happy with me.
I will try my best to stop crying okay. I dunno since when i became so weak.
I deserve you, not someone better. Because there is no such person.
Let's try harder?
Let's not lose each other like that since we still like each other.
We've come so far to let it go now.
I appreciate your effort for trying to change, I can see and I can feel.
But sometimes i wonder if it's pushing you too much, which may subsequently lead to unhappiness between us.
You're my forever and always!

2011-10-09T17:25:00.002+08:00

I see nowhere your anger is bringing you.
or helping the situation.
If being angry helps you, then go ahead.
but it doesnt help us.

Everything that happen just now, shows how much you care.
Being angry, picking out things like my tone, insisting that I judge you.
I dont think it's helping the situation if you realised.
After I apologise, accept it, " will take note in the future", then move on.
Why are you still so buried in what happened?
I dont get it.
How to move on if you are stuck with things like that?
I need some convincing. like you're still willing to try?
Or do you just ren ding that both of us are less tolerant now and that nothing works anymore?
If that's the case for above, let me know.
Right now, I am just disappointed in the way you are dealing with things, like you're unwilling to make things work or tired of making things for us.
If you are, let me know.

Last thing I need is for you to come talk to me with so much anger. Cool down if you need to.

Why so extreme?

2011-10-09T00:53:00.003+08:00

Does it hurt that I am going home? Or does it hurt because I dont do things the way you want me to.
I am a human, cant I make my own decisions as long as no one is injured or hurt?
If you are angry, just because you cant get things your way, I really dunno what to make of it.
And If you are angry, am i suppose to make do with what you want me to do, so you wont be angry? Do you call that giving in? yes maybe, but the only reason why I am giving in is so that you wont be angry or upset, and not because I really want to.
Do you really want things to end up like that? That I succumb to your anger, fearing that you will be angry? How are we gonna be comfortable with each other like that.
Ask yourself, why are you so angry? Does being angry help the situation?

Sometimes, I just want to be respected and valued as an individual. Able to make my own calls and freedom to do what I want. Maybe not all the time? but sometimes?
At least it makes me feel like I am in control.

I want to be home,
I want to spend time with my family
I want to have my own space
I want to have my friends
Is all the above not possible, If I want you as well?

Sometimes, I wonder if we are pushing it too far?
Or pushing each other to the edge of the cliff?
Are we defying the laws of nature?
When do we know, if we tried our hardest already?

2011-09-22T18:32:00.002+08:00

The world would be a better place if
- People consider how their selfish behaviour can impact other people
- Sometimes stop thinking about themselves and think of the bigger picture
- People stop dropping bombs due to their irresponsibility
- People are responsible and accountable for their actions
- think of about what they post and how they will impact others
- think about how detrimental their actions can be?

Am I the only one who thinks of the bigger picture?
Is there anyone who thinks of the bigger picture?

What human nature?
Selfish intentions? Bigger picture? Where's the balance? How to strike a balance?
How is it that people only put themselves at top priority at all times?
For those who dont, then are they at a disadvantage?
or are they being stupid for not thinking about themselves at times.

All of a sudden, I feel so tired.
Like I cannot convince myself I can do it.
But I must not show this.
Even if I am not tough, I must be seen to be tough.
I cant seem nua to others, even though inside me, it's a struggle.
I wonder if it was so difficult for the rest. I really wonder.
Is it the nature of people now? The lack of passion?
Or is it that, everytime after I take over something,
it will crumble like how it did for guides? and now this?

And yeah,
Maybe you should leave me that day.
If you want to leave so badly then just leave.
I wont beg you anymore.
If it's not worthy, then just go.
I dont need someone who leaves me easily like that.
If you think that you're the one with problem, and you cant do anything about it anymore, just leave.

if its so tough for you, then just leave.
Sometimes, I wonder why I am hanging on so much for?
And you can just easily post on FB saying that you should leave that day.

Why am I trying so hard to hang on to this? Why?
Because I really believe there was happiness? that things can change?

and when you are angry, you just post things like that.
Do you wonder how it would make me feel?
Does that give me the right to say and post whatever things I want?
No it doesnt. You know how badly I want to type. yeah, you should just leave that day.
It just reflects how I am as a person. That I cant deal with emotions and i must post all this stuff and people will know that I cant deal with all this. I dont need this kind of publicity. You just paint a picture of how you are like as a person to ppl on FB.

and i guess your next reply would be "I dont care."
Seriously, touch your heart and ask yourself if you really dont care?
because I care. I care how people perceive you, I care how ppl perceive us.

Right now, it makes me feel like, you're right. you should have left.
And maybe next time you can find your super ideal gf.

Someone who is stronger than me , more sensitive, less commitments, give in to your every wants and needs, be with you 24/7, can handle your possessiveness, publicity of your affairs on FB, dont mind you skipping lessons, give you the sweet feeling everytime you wake up in the morning, let you check the phone every now and then, have no guy friends, taller, prettier, funnier.

After reading this, if you still think you should leave, then just leave.

If you're angry after reading this, Dont bother coming talking to me.
I dont need it now. seriously.

2011-08-29T03:01:00.002+08:00

you dont love me anymore.
you dont trust me anymore.
you said to give you time, but how long will it take for you to say you love me?
When is the time to call it quits?

its so tough being your darling.
one minute, you wan to try, for you to trust me again.
next minute, you dont trust me anymore, full of doubts, asking me to justify.

Maybe there's a part of you that doesnt want to believe me anymore.
Maybe I shouldnt be your darling anymore.
I am so tired of crying.
I want to sleep it off.

2011-08-29T01:46:00.002+08:00

if you dont believe me, do you want to resort to calling him and ask?
You wan the truth, I give you the truth
I told you the truth, you want justification.
Even if i provided justification, would you have believed me?
how can I prove and justify everything i say?
How do i regain your trust again?
How do i provide justification for everything I say?
I dont know how.
I feel helpless.

Yeah. I deserved all this.
I shouldnt be complaining.
Just suck it up and deal with it.
And everything that comes along the way.

helpless.

2011-08-29T00:15:00.003+08:00

I guess I deserve all this.
yet i cant exactly deal with it.
It hurts when you dont believe me anymore.
Saying that you do when you dont doesnt make things okay as well.
It may make me feel better for awhile. but after that I realised that it's not true.
because ultimately, you still dont trust me.
But again, how can I convince you? What can i do to convince you?
With no evidence, you will never believe me.
I guess i cant convince you with what i say.
I cant find the answers to your questions.
I guess now its difficult for me to gain your trust.
But the only thing you can do is start to trust me without proof or evidence.
Just trust me. sound so easy but yet so difficult to do.
but having broken your trust, this is going to be daunting task.
for you and me.

For the first time, the solution prove to be too difficult.
And I admit. I feel helpless.

2011-08-03T10:31:00.001+08:00

This is way out of my league.
I dunno how long I can take it.
You're pushing it.

No point crying over spilled milk.
What's in the past, stays in the past.

rantings.

2011-07-13T16:14:00.001+08:00

When you start to question:

Is she worth it?

Answer: She's not.

If she is worth it, there is no need for you to question.

Maybe I am not worth it.

Even angels have their wicked scheme

2011-07-13T14:50:00.003+08:00

It seems like no matter what I do or say, no matter how hard I try.
It will never be good enough to make anything better now.

You can only rmb your anger and nth else.
Whatever I say or do, will be deemed to be worthless to you.

I think you forgot about us or forgot abt me.
And it hurts.
But all you can remember is how much you got hurt by me.
Even if it cost us.

The only person who can convince you is yourself.
Only if you are willing to take it what I say, then you can convince yourself.
Right now, I dont think you're even in the mood to listen to me.
So i guess whatever i do now is futile.

Should I just let you be? But I am worried you will do silly things.
But again, if I were to meet you, would things turn out to be better? I dunno.
I dunno if I should really let you be.

Hunger pangs. No food for 12 hrs isnt a joke.

2011-07-13T01:12:00.002+08:00

A fucking stupid mistake.
that can cost us.
You're all that matter to me. How can I convince you?
You're always in the picture, not him.
You're always that one I cared for, not him.
You're always the one that I keep holding on to, no matter what happens in a fight, not him.
You're always the one I go back to after each quarrel,not him.
You're the one that I have happy moments with,not him.
You're the one I want to settle down with, not him.
You're the one that I wanna work hard with, not him.
You're the reason why I am holding on to this relationship, not him.
I know who I am with.
You can always doubt me.
But I really hope that you will believe me when I say, you're the one that matter to me most.
Please, I am begging you now.

2011-07-12T22:58:00.000+08:00

I wont cry.
I will learn. I will cope with it.

Come get me? Will you?

2011-07-11T05:00:00.003+08:00

So many things to grasp and learn in such a short period of time.
And all these takes time. I hope you can give me time to learn.

I hope you understand,
The reason why I am holding on is because I want you to be part of my life now and in the future.
And I am really trying so hard like I have never did before.
This is tougher than A levels i swear!

I guess I wanted this more than anything.
I am sick of falling in and out. As though nth ever last for gd.
But now that I found you, I really wan to make things work for us.

It takes lots of patience. And at times I really have difficulty guessing what you are implying.
I still have. whether my next move is gonna pissed you off more or make you feel better?
Sadly I cant read minds like Professor X. Its like you're wearing the MAGNETO the helmet you know. hahahhahaha
And sometimes I feel like stop trying to find out what you think, because I can never get a direct answer from you. Yeah I am a ROCK, A SHI TOU from MARS. I need some form of enlightenment. Maybe from the book.

But I will ENDURE~ because I believe everything at the end is worthwhile!

And i really didnt mean to make you angry or what. but seems like you dont accept my apologies. I guess I played abit too far this time round. You may think that I am testing your EGO but I just wanted to hear you say it like directly.

I wonder:
If I walk away in any case, will you really just let me walk away like that?
Because I wont let you walk away like that.

But will it be the same for you?
Is it a case of ego?
Is it a case of huijing-is-not-worth-it?
Is it a case of "dont worry, she will come back to me''?

I hope its none of the above, I hope you will come get me.

2011-06-11T17:38:00.003+08:00

How I wish we could be stronger than this.

maybe u should just accept the fact that I cant be who you want me to be. Of course, I can try to change, but i guess there is a limit to how much one person can change. So if the person is really unable to change to how you want him or her to be, will you stop loving him or her? Will you start losing interest because he or she cannot meet your expectations? If yes, I guess the love is shallow.

Will you learn to accept the person for who he or she is? If your answer is NO, then I guess you dun deserve to say that you love the person.

If we dont find faults or set personal demands on how a person should behave, we would all be happier individuals. That's what I have learnt from the past. That there's no need to GEI GAO on certain things. If we all can close one eye, we could all go a long long long way. But sadly, people always have expectations how on things should be, how people should behave. And when people dun do what they are expected to do, hell break loose. But then again, there should always be compromise on both sides to try to make things work for them.

I guess it would be easier for people to accept rather than to slowly adapt to another person life.
Accepting isnt easier. But not being able to accept, I think it could imply that one cannot love.

Because I always thought that love is abt accepting one person for who he or she is and trying to make compromise.

If we cant accept one another, we dont deserve love.

I have to admit, I have yet to master this special skill. But I will try. Will you?

2011-05-30T03:00:00.004+08:00

Signs of paranonia:

Now I wonder if things will ever be the same.
How different am I going to be?
How will things proceed from here?
How different are we going to be?

Maybe I worry too much. But I think I should take everything in consideration now.

Its not possible to be happy everyday, but its possible not to have unhappy days. I know.
But
I just want to feel okay everyday.

Selfish

2011-05-25T13:56:00.002+08:00

Yeah.
You're selfish.
Selfish enough to let your emotions jeopardize us.
But
I hope we are worth more than what you are feeling right now.
That you will see the bigger picture in a long run.

Stop feeling so beaten up about the past.
Look ahead. why worry or fear about something that is not going to happen.
I can assure you that I am not like her because I am not her.
So stop thinking that it will happen to us.

If I can have some faith and confidence in us, why cant you?
Or is our relationship really worth so little?

2011-05-25T00:44:00.001+08:00

To a certain extent,
I cannot cope.

But I will try to make it work. I hope you will too.

Wish you were here

2011-04-27T00:11:00.004+08:00

Never have to sing that song.

Because right now, I think you will always be there.

I dont have to wish for anything else.

Happy two-gether.

That's all that really matters right?

I just hope that I am not a distraction.

Because to a certain extent, I think I am.

Guess the most important for you its to FOCUS, and I am suppose to help you achieve that.

Not DISTRACT you.

Okay!Study sessions Two-gether from now on. No more home visits.

11 days for you. 15 days for me.

Come on! Let's do it Two-gether!

2011-04-12T15:31:00.002+08:00

When you start questioning yourself,
does it mean that something is wrong?
Or that you are ensure?

Overwhelmed by the feelings and emotions.
Now, I am back to where I started.

Hope that its not gonna happen.
But why do I feel this way?
Am I just tired?

Who knew.

2011-03-20T15:10:00.002+08:00

Is it going too fast?
Slow down your pace and think.
If this is what you really wanted?

Time will tell.
I guess.
Good things are always worth the wait.

Do not be bounded by circumstances or let it cloud our judgement.
Circumstances should not determine what is going to happen.
It is the people who determine what can, shall and should happen.

Shit happens

2011-03-15T20:38:00.002+08:00

when people become irrational.

This is a stupid vicious cycle that i keep getting into.
of falling too fast, too soon.

ARGH. how ridiculous can you be?
How screwed up can you get?
Now things are never the same.

Wah i am super turned off by myself.
Seriously what were you thinkinggggggggggg?
there's no excuse for my actions.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHH. ARGHHHHHHHHHHh
I WAN TO SCREAM LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
but i cant. I wish I could, but no one can hear.

Time of my life :)

2011-03-06T18:14:00.005+08:00

My 21st birthday = Gmax Xtreme Swing, Seafood platter(Yum!), Surprise Partehhhhh ~~
It's just another 28th Feb, but its the people who make it so special and meaningful.
I cant tell them how much i appreciate what they have done for me!
All the planning, the effort, the time behind this surprise.
So glad that I have them in my life. a bunch of people who cares and wants to makes my 21st a great one!
Reminds me of how fortunate I am.
I should be and must be happy with what I have!!!
I want to be.

Stop brooding on what happened in the past and move on.
You deserve more than that. and you know it!

There are so many more things to be happy about than to be sad about!!!
Be happy, Huijing!
:)

Eating me up inside.

2010-09-11T15:20:00.003+08:00

I need to rant.
its eating me up inside.
So many uncertainties.
Things i cant explain or even comprehend.
Sometimes I hope its just a phase, but at times i hope its not.
Is something so new and intriguing and makes me want to keep it.
At the same time I know its very unfair.
They asked me to give myself more time.
But its making me sick in the stomach already.
I dont know how I am going to get pass this? How long am i going to endure this?
Am i suppose to pretend everything is right when its not?
A part of me just wants to burst out loud and say everything.
But i know, with that, everything will change.

''Let nature take its course''
The thing is I dont know how long this bloody course is going to take.
Wait till the day I cant take it, I will just spill it out.
For now, its just killing me slowly with guilt.
Seems like I am just a bastard.
or rather I think I am.

Things will change. Or rather they have already changed.
I think he can sense it.
And I dont wan to be there when the day comes, because i wouldnt know how to explain myself.
Because there is no explanation for my actions.
Except the fact that i was being an ass.

Frustrated. Sick.And everything else.
Make it Or Break it.

HOHO

2009-07-17T04:29:00.002+08:00

went to butterfac, had a little too much to drink. Got a little tipsy, and giddy. Like things are moving when I am not, or maybe i was moving? i wasnt sure either. Is this what they mean by Being High??? it was more like giddy, and things moving around me! hoho.
It was weird, dont think i drank so much till like that. because normally i dont! but how expensive siol! hai yo. must drink till the last bit ah.

I am grateful that I am not feeling the after effects, not puking all over myself and stuff!

My ballerina-like shoes works wonders! Can dance like nobody business, because its pain free.
Poor pristine who just sprained her ankle is feeling rather cui, cos she wearing high high heels, and her ankle isnt fully recovered yet . INSANE. ask her take out dun wan!

DANCE DANCE DANCE, then suddenly Yol 's Mr Camera Cover bu jian diao. Dunno where! cannot find at all. Kept looking at people feet for it! lucky melvin found it!

Supper at Simpang, tissue prata and ME. Very happy!

MESSED UP

2009-05-21T19:51:00.003+08:00

i am in a dilemma. NTU sports science mgmt OR SMU business.

SMU business
Full of prospects, Can have a career in different markets
Nearby
Expensive fees

NTU SSM
interesting new course, however unclear about prospects.
Its like something that's interesting to study i guess, but I am not sure if this is what i am gonna do in my life.
And its not like i can easily drop out and study something else.

I have read some threads about SMU. Some good some bad.
Good because, wonderful prospects, high paying job.
but i am not sure if this is what i really want in life, to be well off, good career.
Or is this the choice that i would make because people think that I would have a bright future ahead of me if i chose this path? or maybe how the society expects people to live. high paying job, good career, house, car, a 9 to 5 office job? I really dont know. Reality is that we need $ to have all that supposedly "happiness". Its so frustrating to think that its not very possible to have $ and to love what you are doing at the same time. Nothing's ever perfect.

Yesterday I have almost made up my mind about going to SMU. already telling people that i am going there. But now, my mind is in a whirl. and its so bloody frustrating.

I heard that SMU is super duper competitive. 24 hour library, project rooms being booked till late at night. people staying over to study in the 24 hr library. Obession with their GPA. well but that's why I HEARD! i wouldnt know until i am really there to experience it all. And by then it would be too late to turn back.
But maybe I wont end up like a Smugger there or maybe i could just like one of them. That's a scary thought, losing myself and who I am in the midst of all the competition, and chiong-ness. I really dont wanna to end up like that.

I happened to read post from 6 SMU undergraduates ranting about their frustration on SMU life. They had quite an impact on me. But it happened to be a bad day for them, that's why they are ranting away.
I admit I do fear competition, because I am afraid of lagging behind while the rest are doing so well because they are damn competitive and chiong. ESP in SMU where competition is their culture.

I think I am giving myself reasons not to go SMU. It was never one of my priorities go there. It was just like widening my options. incase. but now that i could go there. I really dont know.

I could see it a challenge for me, to strive in a competitive environment. Where i could become someone full of confidence, and not being afraid to speak up. And the end result? A high paying 9 to 5 job, with frequent OTs, operational work. Mundane and dull.

I could just go NTU sports science and mgmt, the chicken out path because of my fears. Stick to sports mgmt. become an event planner, sports manager. A relative niche industry in Singapore. but maybe not in the near future?

What's my take? 9 more days to decide.

The bottom line is. I dont know what I want in life, hence I dont know what to do with my choices now.

I hate the word changed

2009-05-13T23:13:00.003+08:00

Because of this,
u think i changed?
then i guess u dont really know me very well right?
Changed? Am I not someone u once knew and always knew?
Am I not ME, jaclyn huang huijing.
and u say that i changed because of what I did. ( like for curiousity sake)
OR was it something because you think that you wont do,
and you assumed that i wont do it too????
COME ON.
Yeah sure change. dont jump to conclusion saying that i changed just because i did that.
I dont think its very fair for you to judge me like that.
YEAH SURE i changed.
so i cant be your GF izzit.
or do u wan me to change to someone else that I am not?
OR maybe next time i shud not tell u things, shud not be that honest to u. keep things from u.
You want that?

Arent I doing what you want me to do.
or NOT doing things that you prefer me not to do because you would feel upset.

i really feel like telling you.
I REALLY CHANGED ALOT.or maybe u dont know me well enough.
i hate this changing shit thing.
simple word from u can make me think so much.

BEST birthday ever!

2009-03-02T00:47:00.005+08:00

this time so many people celebrate birthday with me.AWESOME! & i made the same few wishes all the time!

today:

VB mates! i was suppose to meet "jun" for lunch.
but i end up meet them... =)

make a wish!

Around 5,

jolene met me first at tamp,then she came over my place saying that she wanna watch 4bia but she's afraid of watching it alone. So she came over to my house. Later, there was a cake at my door step, then i saw sher & charlene!

jolene , xy , charlene & shermaine came over to my house! We cooked pasta & watched 4bia together.jolene , xy & charlene were so freaked out, screaming during the movie, easily scared-ed ah they all. damn funny.

yesterday

met baby for lunch quite late at cathay, we ate at aston! cheap & nice! then i joined the usuals at tio heng to sing songs! which was so fun, hy keep saying i chu stunt!!! just very high ah.since it was my birthday. HAHA. sang linkin park & jay chou songs. THEN we had bd cake for me & yolande. then we sing bd song! after that we makan-ed at this hk cafe.

( sorry, i dont have the pics)

28th, 12 am.

Baby joined me & family for dinner on the 27th.we makan-ed at outback.then baby came over my place & we chill for a while. around 12 he said he had to go. so i sent him out.jun was gone. after a while. there's a card at our door step, which was meant for me. & giving my instructions to " wait for him at love's horizon, a celebration worth a thousand" haha.

& i found him at the lift lobby.. holding a cake in his hands!

baby gave me a wallet!!! i never had a wallet like that..i ask him how much, he dont wan to tell me. I loved the surprise he had planned for me. It was great! His brother helped out in passing the cake & present to him & wished my happy bd too.

dinner with my family at outback!

my colleagues @ mom bought me a cake during lunch.

It was very sweet of them to celebrate my birthday with me even though we didnt know each other for long. they even bought my presents! a belt & a top.i was quite surprised!

WONDERFUL birthday.

thank you everybody who made my bd such a wonderful ONE.

THANKS many many!

I really appreciate it!!!

this is for you.

2009-02-15T21:17:00.002+08:00

you're a wimp because you refused to admit your wrong doings.
you're coward because you twist your words around to justify yourself, to tell yourself that you're always right.
I despise you.I am disappointed, I thought you couldnt have do such a thing.
but once again, you prove yourself rite.
please. if you dont wan this family, pls get out.
we get on fine without you and your presence.
In fact, we doing better off w/o you.
pls get your precious mother out of this place.
& try taking up your responsibility as a son to take care of her.
instead of leaving her to mummy, as a burden, a blood sucker who gonna suck mummy dry.
dont you fucking know that what you doing is hurting her? dont you fucking know?
but i think bro's efforts are gonna be futile.
because you're plain HUM JI, and no actions will be taken by you or your brothers.
you're hum ji. because you did smth wrong, & you very well know what you did.
you're always fucking justifying yourself.
I am so ashamed of you..
that's why i will never in my life call you again.
I so fucking hope u get to read this.

I want you to leave us.

21st month anniversary

2009-01-03T01:46:00.005+08:00

today's our 21st month anniversary =)

We took bus 15 and alighted near parkway.And walk from there through the underpass(which we had some difficulty finding, so i guess we walk alot!!)

Baby and me went to EAST COAST PARK to cycleeee..

Saw people wake boarding and it looked really fun mans.

My butt hurt quite alot but nvm it was fun with him around!!!

It was awesome!!! doing something different with BABY JUN.

After cycling, we walk to go makan at the HAWKER CENTRE where there is cheap and nice food available!!!!!*SHIOK SHIOK*

ordered:

fried oyster

black carrot cake

stingray

satay

chicken wing

last but not least sugar cane juice

After makan,

We chill at the breakwater,

Camwhoring session begins!!!!

At the beginning......

JUST big wide smile for you and me!!!!! =)))))))))))

BLEHHHHH!!!

Both looking like retardddddddddd..I dont know kissing what?!?!?!?!

BABY's angelina jolie FAT lips...haha

A kiss from BABY.*MUACKS*

I love my baby!!! Because he loves me for who i am!!!

THE END

Conversation btw me and jun
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
the scar like obvious hor
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
scar?
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
where?
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
my eyes
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
my eye
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
bleh
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
oh
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
nvm lah
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
(:
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
doesnt affect anything what
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
hehe.
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
hmm
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
dont look nice ma
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
to me
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
ure beautiful (:
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
haha.
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
thanks baby
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
hehe.
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
you're the first to say that i am beautiful
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
nope
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
many people think tt
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
but only i get to say it
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
(:
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
hahas.
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
coz ure my love!
Jun-chama` is a jingist who believes in jingism. says:
hehe.
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
haha
Jing-chan : is a Junist who believes in Junism. says:
thank you bao bei

I am so gonna rmb today because JUN said this to me.

I am thankful that i found someone who loved me for who i am.

I am so gonna marry him!!!

haha

CHRISTMAS BBQ with usuals!!!!

2008-12-26T21:17:00.003+08:00

CHRISTMAS bbq.24th DEC. RAINY.
It was raining cats and dogs man.We were all quite bored while waiting for the rain to stop. Hao yan started to Strike some man hunt POSES.

Hao yan the hunk then help to start FIRE with the help of....

the umbrella-holders, who were super important in protecting the fire in the drizzle.

All the FOOD stuff..................YUM YUM!!!

Pristine covering her hair. SHE was like going nuts about her new liu HAI. and later that nite she asked me if it was any different?haha.

Cuddling togetherrrrrrrr.. SWEE so XIN FU like that.haha.

SPORTS day people. USUAL team boys!!!

A new character was born. LIU YI DAO ----> KELVIN.( wo ah niang shuo......)

Usuals all together so NICE. I like everyone's smile. all LOOKED so HAPPY together.

all the 13 of us. I had the blast with darling usuals. it was WONDER FULLLL.

At the strike of midnite... WE shouted MERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY...... CHRISTMAS...THEN we drank up. 50% alcohol +green tea/ sprite/ orange. HAO yan kept testing see which one cup didnt contain that much alcohol. he ended up being RED. Yol became lobster red too.

oh yeah. then beside us was a group of bank people. their umbrella ah all OCBC UOB POSB.many many ah.they on radio 95 want to switch to 98.7 mans.then they wrap all their chair with garbage bag and held on to their umbrella when they eat? like WTH? haha.

After the countdown, we went to pristine place and bath. Proceeded to SAMMY place. and played TWISTER.which was quite fun.

Sammy then on aircon for a few of us in the room, and we " guan deng, luan luan wan"haha. ( turn off light anyhow play) then we talk talk. And played PICTIONARY( modified version cause lazy to read the rules)It was hilarious. I SUPER N2. then like to act out then they guess what i acting..then it was clement turn to act.. the his head accidentally hit the double decker bed..then i shouted "PAIN..PAIN".. he was acting even b4 he was given the card.

haha.. SAMUEL was damn funny. because the thing we suppose to guess and his actions like freaking no link. only sam can draw the link la.. the rest of us like " WTH" haha.and alot of things we did targeted at poor sammy.And i kept burping through out the whole nite.

Samuel: ok, what do you need to carry SAMMY?

US : A CRANE!!!

Sam: Correct

Samuel : sammy ( points at sammy) you ????

US: SUCKS!!!!

Sam: Correct.

We played till 7 am. by that time everyone was like TIRED.

then we went home.

And i slept from 8 to 4

then met up with BABY for dinner =)

I had a great time with usuals...laughing my ASSS offf...Freaking hilarious pictionary!!!!

experience of a kind =)

2008-12-22T16:55:00.002+08:00

on the 17TH DEC

Met Rachel earlier to accompany her to recuit express.After that, i met up with Pei yun and YOL. And we went Haji LANE together to meet Pristine later at her shop near haji lane. Each of the shop there had a special style of its own, which was quite cool. BUT the things were quite EX too.but quite nice too. The apparels were more unique and had a flavour of its own, UNLIKE the

BUGIS style or FAR EAST style.

Time to rest my tired and aching legs after a long walk! so i sat down at this particular shop.

Taking pictures at prist shop at the changing room where no one could really spot us..with the help of our photographer PY.

CLUBBING =).

We went to 3 places. since its ladies nite and its FREE.(keyword).respectively, the ARTICLE, Arena and QIZCA ( shud be the correct spelling). I look red and drunk and my eyes is always close.but i am not drunk at all. eyes is closed due to the super bright FLASH.

GIRL POWER. we stuck around each other real close IN case any guys wan to bua us. And we constantly watch out for each other and make sure everyone is okay =) pristine looks kinda wasted..but she say she wasnt..

WOAH. all so eager to kiss me sia!!!!!

And AGAIN prist cant get enough!!! haha

Me and YOLANDE... LIONess on the LOOSE. ROARRRR.this picture looks hilarious.but i wasnt drunk.MAYBE just high.

Conclusion: I had a fabbbbbulous time with the GIRLS>>>>

on the 19th DEC

Spent my AFTERNOON with baby JUN.watch Twilight and makan-ed SUBWAY. SHIOK and healthy.haha. the movie was NICE. so sweet. like a love story.the male lead.( edward cullen) was doing all he can to protect the love of his life the girl( i forgot her name). Even edward's whole family brace together to protect the girl. GREAT movie. a must-watch!!

EVENING time:

Went to watch a christmas musical call redemption hill at ESTHER church.

It was not bad i guess. After which, we makan at rochor duo hua nearby. nice nice.

CHIT-CHAT. laugh laugh at ying and sam exam thingy. pretending to know what they were talking about.

on the 20th DEC:

Sports day for guys. Me and yol went too. we played badminton. but the wind damn irritating.

so we didnt really had a decent game. Ate dinner. mee goreng pattaya.

and MAHJONG session at Sammy place.

Where i learn how to play MJ. but still not very sure though.but quite interesting la.haha.

learnt smth new.We left at 3 plus. reach home and slept like a pig.

Been spending lotsa of time with USUALS.

+ clubbing at butter factory tml ( MAYBE) with the usuals

+ christmas bbq on the 24th dec. we gonna have a blast man!!!!

cant wait.

PROM nite

2008-12-09T17:44:00.004+08:00

INCOGNITO 2008

prom is like over already.

it was okay i guess. not exactly as fun as i thought it was?

but i learnt one thing though.. heels can kill...

it hurt so bad i just wanted to take it off and walk barefooted..damn jia lat.

but the fun thing was that..

everyone was looking so great ..
and we were taking pictures like crazy..

miss hottie xinyun should like be nominated for prom queen seriously.

its like early bird cum nominee for prom king and queen.

find it so unjust.

bleh......

....

2008-12-02T21:26:00.003+08:00

jun is away for holiday for 10 days.

and he will be back on the 7th. i cant wait to see him.

today is our 20th month anniversary.

and i receive a sms from him wishing me a happy anniversary.

so surprised and happy when he smsed me.

cant wait for baby to come back!!!

AND

my father is back from china.

but we seemed foreign to each other.

sometimes i dont even wanna have eye contact with him.

sometimes i dont even wanna talk to him

i do feel sorry for him at times.

in a family

where people feel uncomfortable talking to him.

where his life is made so sad because of some old bitch.

it seems like he's some alien.

for some odd reason, i feel uncomfortable with him around.

maybe because in the first place, it seems like he is always not around.

but i know if i continue to be like this,

i will regret for not cherishing him.

but i dont know how.

there's this super large gap btw us.

it has been like this for years, and i think it will continue this way.

oh ya.

and my brother has been really nice.

in the morning around 8..

after he wakes up.he would ask me to sleep in his room.

so i can sleep on his bed.

YAY!

little is said.

2008-11-19T00:52:00.002+08:00

hmmm. its has been a month since i met jun.
and i asked him if he missed me.
he said he dont know?that he dont know how to say.
woah.
that made me think alot.esp because i like to think alot.
but its like a month and he dont know?
one thing is for sure.
i miss him like alot. and i REALLY cant wait for exams to end so we can spend time tgt.
but i dont know if he feels the same way too?

he is suppose to meet me tml for lunch.
but i really feel damn tempted to tell him not to meet me if he doesnt miss me.
be it for anger or what. i dont know.
if he is meeting me because he feels that he shud meet me or because i want him to
i really dont see the need.
i wan him to make decisions.
i wan him to want to meet me.

i think he was always that passive about things.
but i am not.
i wan him to do things because he wants to.not because i want him to.
but its so frustrating to think that i initiate most of the time because i want to meet him or what.
and it doesnt reciprocate.
it seems like a trivial matter,but its damn frustrating when i think about it

so i shud just buat bodoh. dont initiate anything.see what happens.

...

2008-08-03T00:59:00.002+08:00

I am afraid i might go astray.
I need someone to be there, to remind me that i cant be like that.
It seemed so fragile when we're far apart, yet stronger when we meet.
Well is this love?
what is love exactly?
What's the clear definition?
or is there no definition for love?

When we are so far apart.I cant seemed to feel it anymore.
Must we always be near to feel love?
I am already doubting myself.
I know i shouldnt because it not fair to him at all.
but i cant feel it.

Studies might seem to be an reason why we seem so far apart.
because we only meet like once a week.
it seems to be more like an excuse for me.
what the hell am i thinking about.
The sudden appearance of someone could make me think so much.
DAMN. it is not gd at all. What's gonna happen when he goes army?
i already losing it. And i know i cant.
what shud i do?

ARGH.

2008-07-26T17:08:00.002+08:00

Mrs seng met my mum today.
telling us about my results and stuff.
and hard i have to work to get into the course that i want.
Telling me that with my current performance i cant get into U.

After knowing the results few weeks ago,
i wasnt that affected by my results.
afterall i got 4th in class with a rank point of 22.5.
this kind of results has already become a norm.
I do feel demoralised by this kinda of shit results.
And i do know that i have to work harder.
I am already trying, coping with everyday work and studying.
Teachers of each subject have been trying to motivate us to study hard and stuff.
I know that i have to work harder.its not like i am oblivious to this fking shit results.
but HOW?
its not like i never study for mid years.
I did.i studied and i get shit results like this.fk it man.
But no matter how hard i try, its never good enough for the school, teachers and me.
I guess i feel stressed, frustrated, and fk up now.
my mind is in a whirl.And i cant seem to focus my hwk.
which i need to do. Before the teacher who thinks that whole world is about econs
start making me stand for not doing my work.
I do wan to work hard. but school is so fk up now.

i guess i am not that strong.
I fall so easily.

ITS NOT LIKE I DONT WANT TO STUDY.
I also wan to do well for the piece of qualification which hopefully can gain me a place in U.
So much for that piece of paper..

and esp now. i need him to be by my side.

2008-03-15T16:19:00.002+08:00

I am SCREWED.I know I am.

EXAMs, examS

You could boost my confidence by a little.

You could demoralised me by alot.

I guess it's gonna be the 2nd option.

because I 'm not prepared YET.

("try not to fail THAT bad ok?"

I tell myself.hoho)

2008-03-08T15:57:00.003+08:00

Does absence makes the heart grow fonder

or make feelings fade?

Does it make someone love someone better,

or make it seem like a habit?

Did it really happen because of love

or was it just an act of impulsion that lasted quite long?

I dont quite trust myself.how can i expect you too.

But i think you do trust me.but yet..

I should slap myself for this.

My birthday.

2008-02-29T23:29:00.002+08:00

28 of feb is my birthday.

To me. It seemed like just another day.
But my classmates and friend made it EXTRA special for me.
First thing, dora sher zhao shan and jon gave me my very first present.
Then we had to run 2.4km, that's when Xin yun and Jolene told me they couldnt get me my present. and i really thought so.
And then. they gave my this shoe bag with a towel, card inside. So sweet of them.haha.
then we had a cake..and my classmates sang a birthday song for me.haha.
And there was quite alot. So everyone ate like crazy and try to finish it up.
And WL and PY is so sweet. they wished me happy birthday, together. like
"happy" "birthday" "to" " You" "we" "love" You".each of them send it like alternately to me.
and i gave them some of the cake as well.

And today. 29.2.2008.
my VB mates celebrated with me..
they bought me a small cake and a balloon and a towel.
they use tea light candles to make a smiley face and 18 for me.
I really appreciate them for doing so much for me.
But at that point, i wasnt exceptionately happy or what.
maybe cause it made me realised how things were the day before.

I really thank those who made my birthday so special and memorable one.
That they spent the time and effort to plan and hide everything.
haha.One of my most memorable birthday i must say.
Although we didnt know each other for long, but they did what they did.
And i appreciate them for it.

2008-02-20T21:11:00.002+08:00

I doubt myself..
Again..
A little more faith in us..
I think I am thinking too much..
Upset with myself.. for allowing my thoughts to run wild like that..
I am sorry.
To myself.and you.
Giving myself excuses to think like that.

What if this wasnt real?
Everything would have gone to waste.
Hope that i was just thinking too much..

Exams are coming faster than i ever expected.
Piled up my life with tutorials, tests, training.
I HAVE to start revision.
A little sacrifices here and there.
A little makes alot.

GONG XI FA CAI

2008-02-09T11:48:00.000+08:00

It'S CHINESE NEW YEAR.

but it doesnt feel quite like it.

its like " OH YA HOR, tml is NEW year" that kind of feeling.

maybe its the hectic schedule.or maybe its me.

Some kind of NEW year.

I never really did enjoyed NEW year.

EXCEPT from my mum's side.

Where people are REAL and SINCERE abt the things they do.

Its good to catch up with all the cousins's kids.

I am their BIAO YI.

So young then call me BIAO YI. make mi sound so old.

Watching the little kids play, a boisterous bunch.

And a new member of the family. little baby JAVIER.

so damn adorable with those round big eyes.

A sudden thought came to me.

How abt my kid.how would he or she be?

And how it would be raising a kid.

Went to jun's place yesterday to BAI NIAN.

i find myself damn paiseh.haha

dunno why?!?!?!

Maybe cause i dont really like BAI NIAN.

normally, we just like stand up and shake hand and a"happy new year" pops out.

so i kinda like scared i screw up.like do smth wrong.

Fortunately i didnt.

Thankfully.

Heaved a great sign of relief when it was over.

When he was sending me home,

we talk abt" spare the rod, spoil the child"

He said he would like punish the kids by hitting them.

And i said i will only scold them and leave the whacking all to him.

haha..

My parents never did that to me. and i turn out to be NOT BAD.i guess

so i wont do that to my kids too.

2008-01-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

taken an emotional toll on me.
physically and mentally.
i gave in my best. i swear.
but i guess my best wasnt gd enough.
for me and for the team.
I really tried.I did.
Tired and upset.
It was so easy to make me wept.
Even a thought.Even a word.
I fell down. I gave my best shot.
but it simply wasnt good enough.
For me.
I aim high
but sometimes.
You cant means you cant.
There's a limit to me and my ability.
I wished i could achieve so much more.

The towel hid my tears and fears.
Could feel tears welled in my eyes several times.
" i gave my best. didnt i? "
but it wasnt good enough for the team and me.

i am sorry.to myself.
for making myself so upset.
for thinking that way.

Happy New year peeps.

2008-01-01T20:14:00.000+08:00

it has been a year already..

how time flies even before you know it!

Finished with PW, A level chinese and J1.

Starting from tomorrow i will be known as J2.( sound kinda old)

And tml i shall be standing along the walk way

Welcoming our dearest freshies to meet their doom.

JC life is tough.

Discipline.Studying.Homework.A levels.CCA.having a life.

but gd thing is..

i am done with 9 months of it. which is a gd thing.

but the HOLIDAYS is ending

And i dont really look forward to schoool.

Hectic life filled with tests and exams.

good thing: i need not suffer in hands of PW.

And its time for me to work hard and try to be consistent in my work.

No more last minute studying.

CHIONG ah!!! for the A levels.

I would also spend less $$$$ in a way.

I have been rather sinful this holiday.

Spending $$$. and my mum isnt taking it very well.

And now i should start by doing my chemistry holiday assignment.

which i was suppose to do 2 days ago.

(its so easy to just slack all the way.its difficult to pick up the pen to do my work)

MyNEWyearRESOLUTION :

1. More discipline please!!

2.Not forgetting people who matter the most to me..

Rachel's belated birthday dinner.

2007-12-29T00:02:00.000+08:00

Went to watching Rachel play soccer friendly match with mj.
Rooted for Rachel..Waited for the match to end and made my way to kovan.
We were gonna meet Cuthbert, Gabriel , Keith and Cheryl for Rachel's birthday dinner..
Cheryl came the latest..expected.
Ate at Cafe cartel, wanted to get a cake for rachel but the last piece was gone.
so we didnt managed to get her a cake..
Instead, we paid for her share of dinner..
Me and Rachel headed home shortly after dinner because Rachel had to be home by 10.30
So we took a train to tamp..
Walk to the bus stop together so she could catch her bus and i can catch my 15.

OH YA!!!
Jun smsed me from korea..how cool...
wishing me a merry christmas, saying that korea is cool
that he misses mi alot..
BUT
he say dun reply..
" i missed him tooooo"
and tml he will be back..
YAY!!!
finally.cant wait to see him..

blah blah blah.

2007-12-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

today wasnt sucha wonderful day..
woke up damn damn early..
And i slept kinda late last nite..talking to my honeybunch..
tiring day man..

best part was that i met up with rach today...
AGAIN.
haha.and tml...
I will meet up with her..AGAIN for dinner..
Would have seen her for like 3 consecutive days...

Oh ya bought slippers :)
Ate ham and sausage baked rice at pasta mania...it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!
Yummy yummy...

my junnie lies over the ocean...
my junnie lies over the sea...
my junnie lies over the ocean...
oh bring my junnie to me...

2 more days..
but still...
I MISS jingist!!!

Endless shopping.

2007-12-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

Meet Rachel at kovan after OGL thingy ..

Did one question of biology hwk and went to tampines.

And seriously...i have a long shopping..

All the nice stuff are so ex..and i cant spend further..

So i am leaving it to Rach to buy them for mi for my birthday.haha

RE-tarded looking

Not so RE-tarded looking

MY WANTS:

1. slippers ( long lasting ones)

2. belt

3.nice tops

4.jumper from outfitter girls

5. light blue denim jeans

6. more dresses..

Not alot it seems..but it does cost quite alot i guess..bleh..

3 more days before he gets back..

I cant WAIT.

what a CHRISTMAS?!?!?!

2007-12-25T23:30:00.000+08:00

what a christmas man yesterday.
USUALS which consisted of close to 20 ppl.
reduce to 8..
Prist, Fer, Jing, Gao, Hao yan, Sammy, Samuel..
further reduce to
Prist, Fer , Jing, Hao yan and Sammy..
the last 5 standing.
haha
so little people.
Quite a pathetic christmas actually.Remeber last year was so much fun..
LAST YEAR:
Countdown at Orchard..touting at East Coast..
THIS YEAR:
Tampines..blk 85.. monopoly at Sammy house..Mac..

haha. but we still make the best out of it..though it was abit sian..but nvm..
its christmas....!!!

TODAY:
Attempted to do part of my hwk..but still..quite little was done..
Went to eat at fish and co with bro, bro's gf audrey, sis and my mum..
i ate black pepper stingray..quite a large portion..
And THEN..Christmas shopping..something WONDERFUL..haha

my mum bought me a charles and keith bag..
my bro bought me shorts..( which is quite a rare thing cos he seldom buy me things)
my bro's gf gave mi a bag and twister( the game)..

wonder if dar bought me christmas present from korea..
because i DIDNT.
haha
oops..i know of this shirt that he likes..but i already bought him like 2 shirts already as presents.
maybe i will make a little something for him..
4 more days before he comes back..
BLEH..

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE : )

.............

2007-12-24T14:40:00.000+08:00

5 more days to go.

before i see him.

Made a little surprise for him.

haha.

i miss him.bleh.

leaving the house in ten min time to meet yol and fer..

to catch a movie.

merry christmas in advance people : )

CHALET!!!

2007-12-23T19:31:00.000+08:00

chalet was FUNNNNNNNN..AWESOME...WONDERFUL..
It was really the time where we could relive the precious moments we have.
The friendship and joy of being together, as USUAL PEEPs.
i miss them so much....haha...it has been a hectic year i must say.
and Everything makes this gathering worthwhile and fun again..
I am really glad to have them.

1st NIGHT.

We checked in..had BBQ
FUN FUN FUN.
the guys started cooking first..and was also the first to eat...
SNOW MAN joke by GAO xiang was hilarious.
So mean but its damn funny...
then we YUMMMM SENNNNGGGG!!!!
of course no alcohol....
Had quite alot of left-overs.
I continue to eat the bee hoon later.

After the bbq, everyone was like slacking in the room..14 or 15 ppl in a little room
squeezy..but cosy cosy..haha. i had training the following morning.
so i left around 3 plus..and when i woke up at 5.30..
they were still awake..going to sleep soon..haha..
i left for training..left on the bus all the way.
I was damn tired during training.my performance wasnt really gd.

Then i met dar to have lunch together.
And return to chalet.
WENT to ESCAPE..
felt like little children once again.
we were like a bunch of over-aged kids.
haha.

I enjoyed the bumper boat ride.
kept squirting water at prist, ying and yol's head.
damn fun and WET.
like whole body.then we went to haunted house.
freezing in there..
took the inverter ride.

the whole escape thing was like a screaming session.
kept screaming and screaming.
nevertheless, it was wonderful.

Went to makan at food court after that.
Still wet like anything..

Then we went SWIMMING!!!!!
we were like riding on one another's back...
Kept doing stupid stuff at the glass thingy.
wave at ppl and all.
left around 9 plus.
AWESOME!!! =)

ZHAO BACK and we had BBQ food.
illegal one of course at the balcony..
chiong-ing the stingray and sotong man.haha
then we told ghost stories at nite..
FREAKY.but FUN..
And i fell asleep halfway thru.

WOKE UP.
and woke the rest up.
pack up and checked out..
I went to sent jun off.
He's going korea = ( sob sob
after that i chit chat with his bro's gf on the way home.
but i still dunno her name.bleh.

I miss him many many many.
but it has only been a day..
Kept thinking what he was doing there..
just hope that everything is fine and he is enjoying himself..
CANT WAIT for him to come back.

I miss my dar =(.

2007-12-16T00:46:00.000+08:00

Sad very sad
Dar suddenly say cannot go out tml.
HAI.
WAH NIAO NIAO LEH
Feeling rather disappointed.
After my trip at kuantan.
Didnt manage to go out with him
.
..
...
....
He going off to korea on the 22nd of dec
i have chalet on the 20 to 22
training on 17th and 19th
so i am left with tml and 18th.
He's gonna be gone for 7 days.
HAI gonna miss him for sure.

SUN- BURNING : )))))

2007-12-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

TODAY

Went to SENTOSA with SWEE and YOL.

FUN FUN FUN!!!!!!

TOOK many many pic.

Cant really rmb when is the last time i took so much pics with them.

Unfortunate i dont have it with my right now.so i cant post it.

I am CHAODA-ed. RED

YOL is a bad influence in term of shopping.

BUY BUY BUY.

haha. She told herself that she shudnt buy anymore.

AND THEN...

OOPS..she bought somemore.haha.

And *influence* me to buy ALSO.

Bought a white dress and black shoes.

THE DAY BEFORE.

Went out with darling usuals

It has been quite a while since i last saw them.

MISSED them many many.

and our SLENGER language.

GAO looking more MAN.

KEL looking more gay.

SAM looking more gay.

(kel and sam wear same pants)

SAMMY looking more SWINNY ( SHINY)

SI WEI looking more PSP -ed

AIK looking as slenger.

HAO YAN looking as SPIKEY HAIR-ed

FER looking more SHORT HAIR-ed ( flying off to TAI WAN bleh)

YOL looking more IN LOVED

KRIS looking more IN LOVED

CANT WAIT FOR CHALET !!HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

Some things left unsaid.

I wished you could tell me.

All your problems.

I am here to lend a listening ear.

I'm here.

2007-11-08T14:18:00.000+08:00

Life's no longer that hectic now.
after all the exams and PW.

I know i have missed out quite alot.
Too consumed in my work and school.
I left things as it is.

is it really worth while to miss that all?
is it really worth while to lose it all?

I hope everything will be fine.

2007-10-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

why am i so affected?

It was over long ago.

It seem that it didnt even happened before.

and you still ...

You didnt know the hurt.

It still hurts.The scar left behind.

You didnt know.

the Worst Heartache.

I still cant get rid of it now.

Things have been happening at home.

Could this be the end of it all?

I don't mind the seperate ways.

as long as both are happy.

But is this really what my heart says?

SO much for happiness in this place.

A place called Home.

What's happiness,What's family love?

How come i nv felt it before after 17 years.
What's the FK with ur LOGIC and REASONING.
The ridiculous words that comes from you doesnt not make sense to me at all.
IF only some one can shut u up and make you listen.
Unfortunately no one can.
Only You can talk and shout.
No one else can talk.
Only You are the one Correct
Everyone else is Wrong.
Only You think of your own unhappiness.
And take it out not only on HER but on this family.
WHAT happiness?WHAT family?
a place where i sleep, study, do my work.What is there left.
Your ever so bloody stupid ACTIONS.
I HATE the fact that we are related by blood.
I will NEVER be you.And i will NEVER find someone like you.
You are screwing up this family.
You only have yourself to BLAME.
Why cant you let her be.
Let her be happy.
Instead of harping on this incident after 5 YEARS
WHAT LOVE? this is not LOVE.
this is bull shit.
simply BULL SHIT

SLACKER DAY

2007-09-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

HOHO.today is slackiest day ever.suppose to study for promos BUT we use fer lap top navigate some stuff, took neo print, i went to cut hair.(my head feels lighter now)

We wanted to go library to study.but too many ppl.so we went tamp mac.then the auntie GAN us. Ask us go out and sit.then she say she nv gan us.OH NO she NV GAN us.SHE NEVER!

We went to walk walk at TAMP took neo print.Long time since i took NEOPRINT le.Miss those times we have.

Went to Pasa (according to how fer spells it) Malam walk walk.Ate many many things.yummy.Tml 2nd round.Shall eat smth different le.HOHO.

Went to MAC.Talking about our relationships in the past.Shared love experience.A sudden surge of sweetness and heartache took over. So many things happen in the past now that i recalled. A story behind each and every, i can remember clearly. The heartache, sweetness , innocence brought back in that very moment. What if i thought.
I didnt get over it.I never did.

2007-08-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

HOHO.
Just finish editing the WR.
Took me like 3 hours.Tiring man.
Staring at the com.
finally 2997 words.
Yay.finally.
And its close to 12 already.
Suppose to do maths.
but i guess i will just shower and go sleep.
Or maybe watch some TV.i need to relax man.
30 Days to Promos.
Damn FAST.
Mum says if i cant promote.
then i will just have to go poly.
She did not put any pressure on me.'
But i put pressure on myself.
I want to promote man!!who doesnt?
Wanting is one thing.Being able to study hard to another.
ARGH.

I dont f******* understand.
Why f******* people exist?
ARGH.
f******* piece of CRAP.
HOPE that YOU
get bitten my dogs and kena rabies
walk out of your house and hit by a car
ur house is on fire when u try to cook.
ARGH.
piece of SHITHEAD.
I wan you DEAD.

BLEHHH

2007-08-19T19:02:00.000+08:00

After 1 week of crazy funfestique.
Time to get down to serious business.
36, scary number. 36 more days to PROMOS.
MATI.
It's kinda freaky when time flies so fast.
I HAVE TO, MUST, SHOULD start studying now.
No time to waste.

Chem SPA skill B and D.chinese test.tml
I don't know what else i can study for chinese or maybe i am just sian.
Don't feel like studying.
PW is crazy as usual.Still can reach the word limit.

Drops of tears.Uncontrollably.Instead make things worseWas that close to leavin.Thinking you would feel better.but a hug was all it tooo make things right again.

2007-08-10T22:46:00.000+08:00

It has been a REALLY REALLY REALLY long while.since i last blog.

since like march.And now its August alr?

Sorry peeps.

Been really busy.forgot all abt this blog.haha

Life's hectic now.

Coupled with Tests.Tutorials.PW.long hours of school.

Enough to drive me crazy.

Cant for the 2 years to end.

Get out of MJ.

Start a new chapter.

but this is only the beginning.more to come.

I guess i just gotta DEAL with it.no matter what.

Study hard for promos.Finish up with the ever- unfinished PW.

MY fav SUBJECT of all the TIME : PW (best subject ever, i swear)

That's all about my LIFE for now.

I will try to update my blog when i am free?

Jay's NEW movie is nice.SECRET.DAMN nice.so go catch it.if u wanna know what's the secret?

Make my life easier will you?

Some people will never understand.

Because they will never know.

And when they dont,

How can they judge?

2007-03-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

1st day of ORIENTATION:
I am from TRITON.which rocks la.
Ice Breakers.CSI Meridian.[solve some crime smth abt the death note]
the video was cute.the ice breakers.REALLY is ice breakers man.
Learnt cheers.medley.alittle of college anthem.but i still not familiar.
Made new frens.my future classmates for the next 2 years.
Seem like a group of very nice ppl.quite fun loving.mugging type?
Learnt 2 dance.and they teach super fast man.
I was like WHAT?.Cant see how they do it from behind also.
monkey see monkey do la.hai.
most impt is GET high haha.

2nd day of ORIENTATION:
to begin the day with.We had dance.accidentally in love.
couple dance.hmm.met Yu heng? from miranda 1?
patiently taught me.cause i really suck.haha.
then we had MMM.
race around city hall.on foot.
HOW fun was that man?
almost dieded.
triton 7 seems encouraging and N2.got praised man.haha.
we rock la can.haha.It was fun.haha.
So happy when we finish the last station.
i was like YAY.arrived back at the super isolated church at waterloo street.
like wth la.not even shown on the map.
Reported.Left.

3rd and final day of ORIENTATION:
First thing we did.Accidentally in love dance.haha.
then we had WET and WILD games.
Damn fun.Damn high.Damn N2.triton 7.
*3 cheers*
after everything, we cleared up.
Ate lunch, bath.And prepared for campfire item.
i was part of the CHOIR.to make sound effects.haha
shouted my lungs out man.
Campfire night.
Damn high.DanceDanceDance.with alex.who hardly knows the dance steps.
just drag him along la.
Shireen me and jonathan.HOW HIGH MAN.hahah.
TRITON WON.
we rock the house man.
HEE.vice capt was so damn happy man.
everyone got so high.WOOHOO.
*we're here for triton all the way.ALL THE WAY*

Orientation was fun.gave me a opportunity to bond with my future classmates.
Gonna be OGL for next yr orientation man.=)

2007-03-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

in a blink of an eye.
MARCH holidays is OVER.

So fast.9 days of relaxation ended just like that.

I met jun everyday during that 9 days.

Had lotsa fun.with him.

Ate with his family.

Watched movie casino royale and you got served?

celebrated my belated belated birthday.

Watch hannibal rising.

Ate Thai food for the very 1st time.

Watch SAW 3.[Scary shit man][how gross]

Celebrate Petrina's birthday.

Went out window shopping with with rach.

Ate $4 of "not so nice" laksa with him.[suppose to bring him go eat KATONG de.]

Share ICE kacang.

Ate CHEESE prata.

ONE of the HIGHEST day ever man!!!--->17 March

JUN and ME.where our path cross.

Went to cut hair together.

Met jun after orientation today.

frenzy picture taking!!!

Retards.

Heads.

Greyscale.

Realised that night mode is actually much much more clearer.haha.

Part of my life.Already.

2007-03-16T14:34:00.000+08:00

no coincidence,only evitability.
Will things ever be the same again?
The day came so fast.
Said things i shouldnt have said.
What have i done?
I could feel the hurt so bad.
Things turn for a worse.
Damn.
i hurt u big time.
if i had alittle more faith, alittle more confidence in us.
Maybe it wouldnt turn out like that.
Selfish.
i disregard ur feelings.
i complicated things.
i could only say sorry.
but i don't think its helping.
No matter how many times.
damage has been done.
but you woke me up.
i realised things i nv really thought of.
fk it.
what have i done?
Sorry.

2007-03-10T01:57:00.000+08:00

What's going to happen next?
So many uncertainties.
So many "what if"
The problem lies with me.
I am losing faith already.
In myself.
In us.
What if?
Absence make hearts grow fonder?
Or would we drift apart?
Could it work?
I question myself so many times.
And i am afraid.
To cause hurt.
Yet now i don't know how.
What if the day never comes?
the day i could hear myself say that i love u loud and clear?

*this song never fails to make me feel down*
*last person i would ever wan to hurt*
*but what if i have to?*

2007-03-06T10:00:00.000+08:00

Last day in SR

i couldnt sleep last night.

i slept at 4am ++

Cant sleep.after i finally made my decision

Not to come back to SR

Went to school.Surprising not too shag.

last time i gonna take tis journey to SR

Took pictures with my beloved classmates

though it has only been for 2 months.but still...

we've build special bonds.

I am gonna miss

everything about YVONNE

siong jun(shorter than me by 1cm)

ng sk keith jun 's company

yi hao and jon's lame jokes

Jia yi laughter

1so1 and mr Sala

JUN the most.

Is this farewell?

I hope not.

I gonna miss them all to bits.

Hope we could have more time together.

This seems like a farewell.

And it seems kinda scary.

When we lead seperate paths.

Would things be the same again?

2007-03-04T12:44:00.000+08:00

blog seems kinda dead.So here i am.
23 - 24 feb: OGL camp.
Was fun.How High.Made new lotsa friends.
Learnt new cheers.
But i don't know even i gonna stay here.though i wanna be an OGL.
And even if i did.i might not be able to come on the 1st day as an OGL.
Gotta report at Meridian.
Hai.Tell mi how.
28 feb : My birthday.
Alot of ppl wished me happy birthday.
Got a card from Rach.And present from Jun.
But it seems like another usual day for me.
Wasnt exactly the happiest of days.
And i know why.
i dun understand why i did it.
pissed maybe.
2nd march : Celebrate my birthday at K box
Met up with them and all.
So happy to see them again.
yol, ying,van,kris,prist,est,sammykel,gao,clement,hao yan, si wei,eugene,sam.
Singing away like nuts.Bought me a bag!!!just what i needed.
Loved them to bits man.got this small cake from subway.Ate it.
made 3 wishes.(cant say if not cannot come true)
one of them it's you.
it just came right to me.w/o thinking much.
you're on my wishlist.haha.
We left the place at 2.
I had a great time with them=)
3rd march : SENTOSA!!!
Demeter OG outing.not alot of ppl turned up.
Nevertheless.We had fun.And we got BURNT.haha
How fun.played ultimate frisbee.My very first time.
Cool game.
Went to vivo after that.Ate.Went arcade.
the guys damn chiong ah in playing arcade.
until the finger bleeding.
How scary is that.
took train to Sengkang.then take 87.
so seh.
I reached home.took my pillow lie on the sofa and sleep.
until the next morning.haha.

one more day.
Don't wan it to come.
damn.
to leave or not to leave.
That is the question.
WAH LAO.
It's driving me nuts man.
Am i doing it for the wrong reasons?
MERDIAN OR SERANGOON???ARGH

2007-02-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

Bloodshot eyes.limping.
This is what u have done to jeff.
Bitch.
What the hell is your problem?
It's just a dog.
It cant speak for itself.
It cant protest.
Fucking sick shit.
Are you somesort of psycho?
At such a age.you do such despicable things.
Get a life.
Get out of my life.
Get out of my house.
Get out of my sight.
Jeff could hardly close his eyes.could hardly sleep properly.
Hiding at a corner.makes my heartache.
How could you do such horrible things.
FKING sick bastard.

I would have such murder you in your sleep.and you still thinking it was a dream
A DREAM come true.
FUCK LA.GET A FUCKING LIFE WILL YOU AND STOP HITTING MY DOG.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2007-02-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

So many times i doubt myself.
I feel so argh.
Superficial.That's the word.
That's how we judge.
And i hate it this way.
Because i know
There's more to it.
It's you.
What if it's not enough.
I cant bear to hurt.
Thoughts fill my head.

Look beyond the surface.But who can?

2007-02-17T16:22:00.000+08:00

Didnt update in quite a while.

THE CHALET.

was great.

I had loads of fun with Yol, Ying,Est,Prist,Fer,Kris,Van,Hao yan,Hao pei,Eugene,Kelvin,Sam,Sammy,Gao,Kel,Clement,Siwei,Aik Ho.[Hope i didnt leave anyone out]

Just glad to spend quality time with them.

Hope that we would be friends forever!!!

JAE APPLICATION.

my 1st choice was MJ.Second choice SR.Third choice TP.Last choice SP.

Hmmm.i Kinda regret somehow.for not putting SR at 1st.Hai.

My frens,My teachers.I am worried MJ gonna kill me.

As in i go CRAZY??which is quite a scary thought.What's worse,

Yolande aint going there anymore.

If i don't like the life at MJ.I am gonna APPEAL back to SR.

VALENTINES'DAY.

I went out with JUN.

And i was late.what an impression.

He got me a rose and a card and a ring. =)

It was cool hanging out with him.

Listening to his stories of SA.and his hair was damn fun.

We ate.He had to watch my eat.

Normally i watch people eat de.

We walk around.to find a shirt.

that he was suppose to "buy"

But in the end he didnt.

So we zhao home.

And the next day we had school.

So cannot go home so late.

(a pic he took at cafe cartel when i was DRINKING!!!)

[Prawns and Softshell crab was nice!!]

2007-02-10T08:52:00.000+08:00

Gotten my results Already.Woohoo.I got 12 for R5 and 9 for R4.Totally unexpected.Never thought that i could get 12.and a B3 for english and combined humanities.my first time.i was like blown away man.Damn happy.1st person i hug was est.haha.i was like "WTH".
The students were jumping for joy.screaming.cheering.smiling.
on the other hand.there were those who were in tears.despair.
Hmmm.but life still gotta go.
A new chapters unfold for everyone.
time to look forward.
and not look back.

Went pasta mania with my frens.Ate carbonara.It was quite nice.but i didnt really like the bacon.like ba gua like that.haha.At night, we met up again and went to bugis.And did some shopping.I bought my black jeans le and a brown top.Hmmm.i am spending quite alot nowadays.
Even my mum says so.Hai.Must control.We did shopping in quite a short period of time.and left bugis around 11 plus.

Hmm..i don't know put SR or MJ as 1st choice.I had already fosters bonds with my frens,my teachers,adapted to the new environment in SR.Wouldnt want to leave my frens behind.And i am quite fine with the school.
BUT
Merdian has always been my dream school.now that i might had the chance to enter MJ.I am afraid that i will get it somehow.I need to adapt to a whole new environment again make new friends and all.

Hmmm.before the results.I was choosing between poly or SR.but now MJ or SR.What am i suppose to do man?I dont think the 6 days is enough man.

2007-02-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

Something i was looking forward to last FRI
BBQ on Fri at JUN's place.
It was fun.
Lotsa food.
Played murderer.Mysterious number.
Truth or Dare was Hiong.
First time play until so Hiong.
Told ghost stories.Slept at 4.
Woke up at 6 plus.
Took Taxi to macritchie reservoir.
Walked and chatted along the way.
Went back to jun's place.Slept awhile.
Went home and slept somemore.haha.

Troubled.I don't wanna hurt no more.
Why does it feel so different this time round.
I wasnt me.
Where's that thumping heart?
More time.

2007-01-28T13:43:00.000+08:00

The word is HATE.
I see you everyday in my life.
I cant stand it.
Your voice just irks me.
The sight of you just piss me off.
I don't even have to look at you.
And you get on my nerves.
How powerful is that?
Without even doing much.
A mere question.
I dont even wanna look into your face.
You've successfully spoilt my day.
Without doing nothing much.
Hatred for too long.Tired of hating
I dont give a shit to you anymore.
Despite your contributions to this household.
I still cant stand you.
you made me dislike Chinese New year.
you started the word hate.
you taught me something an impt lesson.
"i would never find someone like you"

I seriously dont wanna care anymore.
Tired.I DONT CARE anymore.

2007-01-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

Something i looked forward to today : PE.But it turn out that we had to run 3.2km.I was like "HUH"..2.4km already like Cannot Make It..then run 3.2km somemore.But it wasnt that bad as i had imagined.Quite Ok as compared to running around the tracks 6 times.Which is like merely doing the same thing over and over again.After like 1 round i would be like" another 5 to go"..3.2 was ok..didnt Puke or what which is a good thing..=)
Went to tamp..Took same bus as Rachel..then yol boarded the bus.talk so loudly somemore.HAi yo.then Yol mi est van and ying went to makan at cafe cartel..Broke Alr..another 4 more days to the end of the week..Siao liao..No $$$..We ate fast..Left the place at 9.30..It was great to see them...

I don't even know.
Impulsive.
ME.
Time will tell.

2007-01-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

Haven updated in quite a while.ANYWAY,
my CG is not as quiet as they seem to be.Can be quite a noisy bunch actually.We'll be having a class outing.Which is kinda fast.I dont even have a OG outing yet.
I bumped into ppl while playing netball.like twice. and both times.I landed on the ground.Is this Suay or what?
Last Friday,I forgot to bring my shoe bag home.It was in school.And i took like 3 hours to realised it was gone.How WOLS of me Right!!Attended guides campfire meeting.Suppose to meet up with my frens.I somehow miss them alr.Kinda upset i couldnt meet them ah.But I guess we'll see each other pretty soon!!

In a quicksand.
Get out while i can before its too late.
It happened because people said it would?
What the hell is going on man.
I tell u ah..
CANNOT AH.
Unreal.
Just for a moment.
That's all.

2007-01-14T22:36:00.000+08:00

My OG.[demeter 3]

my PALS!!!

At mac

SRJC ALL for You!!
Your call is ours too.

2007-01-13T01:31:00.000+08:00

We were informed about our civics group today.I don't know anyone there.Time to make new friends.1st person i know in my civics group was Yvonne.if i am not wrong.Had out very 1st netball training.It was ok.A simple introduction.Monday's training will be more intensive.After the training, i rushed off to bedok for campfire meeting.My socks and shoes were wet.my shoe got hole.front part of the sole is like gone.The meeting lasted until 11.45? then we took the last bus home.Tml got chingay thing, gotta wake up early.Have to check out campfire stuff..

2007-01-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

Just return home from school.CCA recuitment was held today.I signed up for Volleyball, ODAC, and Netball.I will just try out these few CCAs and see which one i like best.We stayback for a while after the recuitment and play netball.Then we went to EAT dou hua opp sch there.then go home.
I don't know anyone in econs class..feels kinda weird..suddenly find myself quiet..Cause no one to talk to..haha
PE lesson was such a let down.I expected some outdoor sports or smth.It turn out to be a 2hour long boring talk.It has been quite a long time since i last exercise so i was looking forward to some exercise.
i am going to meet up with est tml.Hopefully.Need to buy some stuff.
Friday got campfire meeting.Things not done yet.

2007-01-07T11:30:00.000+08:00

Last day of Orientation.
It was filled with games,cheers,college anthem.It was real fun..the Very.High.Pple. had to prepare a performance within a short period of time. like 1 day?We managed to pull through..the performance turn out to be comical and hilarious.Not Bhb or what.But it was great..seriously..hahah...And Demeter got 2nd place.Despite D3 didnt do well in the games..And we had mass dance..But we couldnt join the rest in the hall..So the Vhp were like dancing back stage??hahah..after that..We cheered like nuts..voice breaking experience??haha..Got damn HIGH.Did the college dance at the end of everything..Through the orientation..I got to make more friends..Esp D3..It was great..
Tomorrow..school will start..back to the books..i wonder if i can stay awake man..

Guys from VHP.
lying on each other???
hmmm...

2007-01-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

1st day of Orientation..
Feeling kind of sleepy in the morning.Arrived at school with melissa..the 1st thing that i noticed.saw this guy with dyed hair.I thought he was like ah beng or smth..well..As the day go by..i learnt tat he's not ah beng or what..quite a funny guy actually..Went off to our respective groups..mine is demeter 3.1st.We had ice breakers where we got to know one another names.but i still i cant rmb all the guys' names.Then.We had to sit on ppl's lap.like girl boy girl boy.Learnt some cheers...
We had this like tour around the school..and had to answer questions like..how many this and that blah blah..mi and lynn..chiong ah..were like nuts..trying to get as much points as possible..
We had this super long talk in hall regarding the subjects that we will be taking..Feeling sleepy and my butt was numb..[I slept at 2 last night]When it was finally over..everyone sounded so alive for the 1st time..hahah
Last but not least we had cheers..A group of us , the V.H.P was asked to lead the rest in the cheers..it was fun..and We were awarded a golden medallion..COOL!!!And it rained as mi and melissa was leaving the place..the right side of my body..was like drenched..even my bag..hai yo..
That's about for today!!!Wonder what's up tml..hmmm..oh ya..Kim wakerman transfer to another school..muhahahh...

2007-01-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

A NEW YEAR!!!!And i have a new

pair of Shoes

bag

socks.

hair

Went shopping with yol today.Bought New Earrings and Hairband.
[lazy take pic].Went to sakae later.Eat dinner???On the way visit Ying..After that go walk walk..then cut hair..
Tml.Will be in a NEW school with New Friends

Yol shoe My shoe

2007-01-02T02:18:00.000+08:00

Me.fer.yol.ying.prist.kris.gao.siwei.haopei.clement.sammy.samuel.kelvin.
eugene.haoyan.some came later.some left earlier.
Countdown at TAMP mrt station while SI WEI was in the
toilet.haha.Went around wishing people " happy new year" [We don't even know them]Got really high..Bought food..Went to sammy house..Learnt a new game..Don't what's the name of the game..
WE played..INDIAN POKER..It was fun..And i kena forfeit like 3 times..And one of the forfeit..I came up with it..haha..it was dumb..haha..shall not talk abt it..hahaha..
In the wee hours..I started TALKING CRAP..like really full of crap..that doesnt even make sense..smth abt Tokyo Drift.I cant really rmb..But i know i am not drunk..[just a little jolly shandy]Did not suffer any blurred vision slurred speech or what so ever.
Fell asleep..woke up like at 7 plus...Left sammy's place..Reach home..bath..and slept..woke up at 5.30..what a pig..hahah..then after a while..I slept..AGAIN..so now i am feeling real awake and energetic..woohoo..
I love you guys.---->my friends.

2006-12-30T14:17:00.000+08:00

Went to check out SRJC yesterday with melissa..Didnt really know her that well actually..Because we're not from the same class..kinda no link..But it turned out fine.It wasnt that far from my house after all.
Arrived at the school.the security murmur something..me and melissa were like "huh"..We heard smth abt EZ link card..so we just handed out EZ link card over.
It's quite big.DAMAI is Nothing compared to SR.There was this koi pond..and the labs had weird names..It was quite big...the painted walls were cool..added colours to the school..not like the boring DAMAI.
We were checking out the list of Freshmen entering SRJC.And guess what..KIM wakerman..that kid central girl is there..And someone already poke her name with pin alr..I can imagine her coming into school..maybe a cocky chic..maybe a half ah lian..either a "miss popular" or a "miss not so popular"..hmmm..We'll wait and see...

2006-12-28T00:13:00.000+08:00

I'm going crazy.
I have no idea why i felt like that.
Thumping heart.
I could feel it.
For a moment.
It seems to stop.
It just happened.
I didnt think of anything else.
Freaky.
I'm nuts.

Went to watch "curse of the golden flower"at Cathay cineplex.
Couldnt really catch the story line.
There was an emotional scene of Jay and Gong li.
Jay was like crying and stuff..but his acting was like ......
People watching that scene were like laughing lo.
Went over to plaza sing to eat at the food court.

Oh ya.I cut my hair.
It looks weird.
Maybe i should cut shorter.

2006-12-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

getting sick soon.
throat feel so uncomfortable.
boo hoo.
watching movie tml yeah.
watched hana kimi epi 6 yeah.

what a christmas.

2006-12-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Went to Orchard last nite.to countdown.woohoo..1st time actually.with my friends.Yol, Ying, Prist, Kris, Kel, Gao, Hy,Sam,HaoPei.You really get to see all kind of people there,Ah Beng and Lians,Punks,and so on.The place was packed with people.There's also this group of China tourist,stopping suddenly to take pictures,wearing bright yellow shirts.

There were groups of youngsters,spraying foam on Banglahs...Esp them..Once the target is spotted,they would attack relentlessly.What's happening to youngsters nowadays???Racist uh???And in places like this, where people are like spraying foam at people they don't even know,people can just suddenly start fighting.Festive feelings uh??Unhappy stuff took place today.WTH.like on christmas??What a spoiler.

After the Countdown,Some of us took the night service bus to EAST Coast.Went to mac.Waited for Eugene..Waited for Sammy and his ice cream log cake.While waiting, I was playing this game, don't know what its called.My frens were like making funny noises..Like a sign or smth.haha.while i was playing that game..Sammy came.We ate the cake.

Went off to the beach.We exchanged our presents,Hao Yan gave mi this chip munk loudspeaker.kinda cute la.. Yol also gave us present..and also a christmas card..So sweet of her..=) MY MILK...love her to bits.. Then we Chatted or shud i say gossip till dawn..haha..Went back to MAC.most of them ate breakfast.But i didnt.Didnt feel like it.and SANTA came..hohoho..early in the morning..haha..Damn Funny ah..one of my fren..put honey on his palm then shake hand with santa..the rest who shake hand with santa..SUAY ah..haha..

We walked back to marine parade..Took 196 or 197 couldnt rmb..Slept on the bus.Reach Bedok..Took 87 Home.Bath.Slept.Woke up late.suppose to meet ivy and bharathi..hurry chiong there..discuss abt gateway..After that. I went home..took a nap..then went off to one of my cousin chalet..had pizza hut and KFC for dinner..woohoo..and HERE I am..

Enjoyed MYSELF so MUCH.
Cool!!!

2006-12-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

Modem broke down.So i couldnt go online for several days.Today the Star hub guy came down to repair the modem..It's fine now..Got internet le!! Yeah!!

For the past few days, I have been returning back to school..to help the PGA girls.Oh ya. the Ayam Panggang at VARI NICE is really NICE!!

Yesterday there was a campfire meeting at bedok mac..realised that my idea wasnt good enough..gotta improve on it more..Wondering how to make it better..seems kinda simple..

Went to Parkway today ..together with Eugene Hao Yan.Sammy.
Sammy left for work later..Bought christmas present..Help sam buy christmas present..makan at Pasta mania..Creamy Chicken..YUM YUM.A long debate where to countdown for CHRISTMAS at pasta mania..east coast or orchard.Finally..Decided to go orchard countdown..ton at east coast..1 stone hit 2 birds..

A little crazy idea.I'm nuts.

2006-12-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

Yipee..got a new fone..nokia 5300..music phone..And i LIKE
it..woohoo..After so long..I finally got a new phone..Took a 10 min video of my sis..toking abt her guinea..named "DARE DEVIL"Went on and on abt Him.Now chargin my phone..must charge for 6 hours..

Haven been updating for a while..so here I AM...MS Zhang.haha..
Been helping my juniors with their PGA interview..and their skills and stuff..After all..I have nth much to do at home..might as well help out together with becky..

Today MILK came over my house..to use the com..Makan lunch here..then went off to work..AUNTIE sia she...

Last night..I took very long to download "HANA KIMI"..then its like..i load half way..then cannot play already...i got damn irritated..cos I have been..loading video for like 3 HOURS..still Cant watch properly..like got missing parts here and there..

2006-12-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

A love I threw away.
Indeed too good to be true.
It was that close.
I almost fell.

Deep down inside.
I don't even know.
What my true feelings were.
Forbidden?
It was just me.
Couldnt accept it.
"I cant & I shouldnt.."
I told myself.
It worked.
Kept myself away.
I knew it would hurt.
Just wanted to prevent further heartache.
It was the last thing I wanted to do.
Yet i did it.Regardless what.

Easily swayed by others.
I couldnt trust my own instincts.
Wanted to trust you.
But i chose not to think about it.
It's better like that.

Woke up from a dream.
I'm back to reality.
It's grey.Ain't black or white.I'm in between.

2006-12-12T02:23:00.000+08:00

What:Steamboat
Who:Swee..Est..Yol..Ying..Jing..Prist
Where:bedok Reservoir 711.
When:12 to 5
Why:to eat to our fill..Spend time together..In the end cannot finish..
Cost:$6
Ingredients:Cabbage,XiaoBaiCai,Hotdog,Prawnball,Meatball,Fishball,
Chicken,Pig,Pig liver,SeaWeed,Shitake Mushroom,Button mushroom,____mushroom(not sure the name)[long long white white de],Egg tofu,Fishcake,Cockles[Ate by Swee and Ying only-->2 aunties],Brocoli[Nv eat],Chicken Broth.---->That's all i can remember.
PRIST,YOL, YING.& ME..who wear until really lok kok ...Went to fetch XIAO RU..from the airport..who just came back from Beijing.After 2 weeks.We go makan at MAC.then xiao ru take taxi go home.SO prist ying yol and me took the last train out of Changi Airport at like 11.30 +..As we passed throught the tunnel to Expo..there were lights along the tunnel..which is kinda unusual..because you don't expect to see lights in the tunnel.. We alighted at Tanah Merah MRT and took TAXI home..I reach home around 12.35...Wonder how is XIAO RU now.she suppose to be online..Guess she's really exhausted..

2006-12-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

Played badminton yesterday.got 2 blister.use too much force ah.
Went home took a nap.Went over to my uncle's chalet.With my 2 cousins.Slept overnight there.Woke up and went to escape.But the rides like same same one.I took the rides b4 le.so its like nth new.Got bored and tired.left around 2 plus.Went back chalet..then go cycling with my cousin..Returned..bath.. slept.Ate mac..home sweet home.

Missing you in a way i shouldnt have.
I shouldnt.
But still.
The mere "sight" of you.
bring back memories.
though not long.
but sweet.
Argh.
You've been appearing in my head.
It's killing me.
DAMN.

2006-12-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

i am asking for it.
I don't wanna know.
yet i wanna know.
such an idiot.
asking questions which had answers.
that i didnt wanna hear.
i waited patiently.
wondering what's was happening.
where.what.how.
Thinking too much.
You don't belong to me anymore.
Your rights. Your freedom.
It's better if i didnt think abt it.
But somehow i cant help it.
And here i am.
Giving sarcastic remarks.

My heart say no.My actions gave me away.