{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Thursday, May 21, 2009

title:{MESSED UP}

i am in a dilemma. NTU sports science mgmt OR SMU business.

SMU business
Full of prospects, Can have a career in different markets
Nearby
Expensive fees

NTU SSM
interesting new course, however unclear about prospects.
Its like something that's interesting to study i guess, but I am not sure if this is what i am gonna do in my life.
And its not like i can easily drop out and study something else.

I have read some threads about SMU. Some good some bad.
Good because, wonderful prospects, high paying job.
but i am not sure if this is what i really want in life, to be well off, good career.
Or is this the choice that i would make because people think that I would have a bright future ahead of me if i chose this path? or maybe how the society expects people to live. high paying job, good career, house, car, a 9 to 5 office job? I really dont know. Reality is that we need $ to have all that supposedly "happiness". Its so frustrating to think that its not very possible to have $ and to love what you are doing at the same time. Nothing's ever perfect.

Yesterday I have almost made up my mind about going to SMU. already telling people that i am going there. But now, my mind is in a whirl. and its so bloody frustrating.

I heard that SMU is super duper competitive. 24 hour library, project rooms being booked till late at night. people staying over to study in the 24 hr library. Obession with their GPA. well but that's why I HEARD! i wouldnt know until i am really there to experience it all. And by then it would be too late to turn back.
But maybe I wont end up like a Smugger there or maybe i could just like one of them. That's a scary thought, losing myself and who I am in the midst of all the competition, and chiong-ness. I really dont wanna to end up like that.

I happened to read post from 6 SMU undergraduates ranting about their frustration on SMU life. They had quite an impact on me. But it happened to be a bad day for them, that's why they are ranting away.
I admit I do fear competition, because I am afraid of lagging behind while the rest are doing so well because they are damn competitive and chiong. ESP in SMU where competition is their culture.

I think I am giving myself reasons not to go SMU. It was never one of my priorities go there. It was just like widening my options. incase. but now that i could go there. I really dont know.

I could see it a challenge for me, to strive in a competitive environment. Where i could become someone full of confidence, and not being afraid to speak up. And the end result? A high paying 9 to 5 job, with frequent OTs, operational work. Mundane and dull.

I could just go NTU sports science and mgmt, the chicken out path because of my fears. Stick to sports mgmt. become an event planner, sports manager. A relative niche industry in Singapore. but maybe not in the near future?

What's my take? 9 more days to decide.

The bottom line is. I dont know what I want in life, hence I dont know what to do with my choices now.

7:51 PM;