{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Monday, January 30, 2012

title:{what can we not quarrel abt.}

FUCKING QUASH ALSO CAN FIGHT WITH ME.

Serious. what can we not fight about?

dont play then dont play la. it doesnt matter if I want to play what.

Because if you dont want to play, then what is the point of playing.

The point is I ALREADY FUCKING LEFT THE PLACE.

Means I already fucking over it that I am not playing quash.

SO WHY ARE YOU FREAKING HARPING ON THE GODDAMN PROCESS.

when I already ask you to stop harping on it already.

IT DOESNT MATTER. I am not a sucker for quash okay.

Its not like I will die also.

If you dont want to play, then nvm lo,

I also dont play.

Like you wan me to stand up on the train stand lo,

Like you dont want to play, then I also dont play lo.

One for all, all for one. isnt it so.

According to your theory.

THE MOST IMPT THING! not abt the fucking theory.

I AM ALREADY FUCKING OVER IT.

WHY ARE YOU HARPING ON SMTH THAT I AM FUCKING OVER IT ALREADY.

the fact i chose to leave, its my problem what. and I nv blame you for not being able to play quash what. so why you harping on it? yeah, so just SHUT IT already. stop talking abt it. because its OVER.

Or you wan to turn back time.

or next time dont do it again?

It's like your sucky gf cannot do what you want again. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

stand up with you on the train - I am a lazy bum, I like to sit

speak softer to you - I always talk loud, its not like you dunno.

wan bu qi de gf - that's how I am, deal with it.

sit beside you all the time - I am that insenstive

take initiative to talk first - because your tired? because I make you angry first.

the list goes on la I cant fking rmb.

So many things, then why?

So with all that, are you gonna accept me? or say me everyday until I change?

all you care abt is pointing my imperfections and teaching me how to be YOUR BETTER Girlfriend, the kind of gal you want.

Everything also say say say. Your gf fake one ah, Your gf got feelings okay.

How would you feel? Everyday got something to say about what you do. how you feel?

Everytime I also in the wrong. then you always right.

Everyday quarrel, unhappy, temper, dont talk. freaking vicious cycle, And you think its okay.

It makes me feel fucking lousy you know. Like I am never gd enough to be your gf. like I am damn fucking jiat lat, cannot make you happy kind, or you just got alot of things you wanna gei gao.

And sometimes I just feel you damn gei gao.

Because sometimes, its not even necessary la. thats how I am. Give and take la.

But seems like things I do always got problem la.

I am not like you. everything must confront confront confront.

Yeah my turn to change for the better right.

Because I am as worse as can be.

not like your fucking ideal gf right.

8:56 PM;

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

title:{}

yan lei wei she me bu zhen qi.

hurts the most when the truth hits you.

That you are going lose it all.
That perhaps we werent not meant to be.
That perhaps it wasnt meant for me.
That I wasnt ready to love. like how ready you were to do the same for me.
That there's a possibility that I am losing someone who love me the most.
That I cannot find someone else like you.
That I wasnt meant for love.
That I perhaps deserve to be alone because I am incapable of loving someone.
That this is my tolerance, and how far I can go for someone.
That perhaps for every relationship, it will end up this way.
That I am in fact very weak.

Let it out, clear your thoughts
Convince yourself, and you will stop crying.

Apart of me want to believe in fate,
that maybe, just maybe.
we could changed for each other.
and we can get back tgt in the future.
If we are really meant to be.
Just maybe.

1:50 AM;

Saturday, November 19, 2011

title:{Anger}

Guess I am always a source of your frustration and anger.

Why are you always angry with me?

Am I that unbearable? Why are you unhappy with me? Is there anytime when you are happy with me?

Life's too short for frustrations.

And I am your source of frustrations.

I wonder if you ever thought how your anger and frustrations would have an impact on me.

Will I be able to take all this? And eventually, what happens?

2:47 AM;

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

title:{}

Do whatever you deem fit seriously. I dont need all this right now.

You are doing this to yourself. Not me.

Just hope that you are studying.

3:34 PM;

title:{}

It's the small little things that kill us slowly. Not the big ones. The big ones just make us want to end it all.

It's about choice. Whether you let it affect you or not.
I choose not to let it affect me.

Don't understand.
I think i never will.

When will I start blogging about happy stuff?

4:54 AM;

Friday, October 28, 2011

title:{}

If you have a problem, deal with it.
Dont ask people to deal with it for you.
You're the one with the problem, not me or them.

Instead of keep asking people to make the change,
What else can you do besides say " I dont like "
Just because you dont like, people must make the change?
or should have you been taking the change for granted?

You dont see the need to make the change in yourself?

Next thing you will ask me, What change have you made?

Not going for the progs outing. because If I could, I would have gone for every.
I would want to be there for everything.
That's my change.

Or not enough?
Give in to everything you say?
Is that what you consider change?

What is yours?

5:37 PM;

Sunday, October 23, 2011

title:{}

I just want US to be happy.

Why is it so difficult?

6:32 PM;

Thursday, October 20, 2011

title:{}

progs is part of my life.
like how JCRC is part of yours.

If I asked you to choose between JCRC and Me,
What would your answer be?
Think again.
Put yourself in my shoes, what would you do?

But then again, we should never be made to choose.
or asked to give up something that was already part of our lives.
And the consequence of quitting and imposing on other people is the last thing I will expect myself to do. It's wouldnt be Huijing anymore. Because I am never that kind of person.
Are you that great to choose me over JCRC at the expense of the other people in the comm?
If you are, I have really nothing to say anymore.

Even if I did give up sports camp, do you really think problems will disappear?
Because it wont disappear. Because we are the people dealing with the problems, and problems can surface from other things, not only sports camp.
Making me choosing you over sports camp isnt an instant solution to us being happy.
To you, it makes you clearly see that You're my number one choice.
To me, its asking me give up something that was already been there, before you came into the picture. Quitting my responsibilities, imposing on others and it has detrimental effects on the comm. And that is why I cant quit. It's not me to do something like that.

We have to recognise that there are greater issues and differences that we have, not only abt me being a prog. It also about how accepting you are towards that fact that I am a prog.
If you cant accept it, it will come back to haunt us again and again and again.
And the thing that happen yesterday, will surface again.
With things becoming more bitter than ever before.

That's why the 1 week gives us the time to think if we can really do it all, if we really do want to make it work, if we are really too tired to continue with this journey, if our relationship is worth it.

9:04 PM;

title:{}

how can you say such hurtful stuff?
Like you are nothing to me?
You're everything to me.
How can I make you see?
How?

My heart is bleeding.
Why do you say such things?
Whatever we have been through, were they all nothing to you?
Did I always make you feel this way?
When I really tried my hardest, and all you can do is to make me choose.
I am devastated.
I am gonna lose you.
I cant deal with you it.
How can you bear to leave me like that?
How can you?
How can you make me choose?

What forever and always?
" try my best to make this relationship work"
put in more effort?
one day shout out to me say the 3 words.
All lies. I just lost all my faith in love. You did it for me.
I guess you just dont love me anymore,
that you can just bear to leave me like that, just so by making me choose.

There's no more love.
I knew I was gonna lose you. today is that day.
You dont love me anymore. You can just leave me so easily.
I dont mean a thing to you.
my heart hurts so bloody bad.
IT's all gone. everything.

my heart hurts. I felt so worthless.
i am nth to you,
anymore.

1:32 AM;

title:{}

Heart broken.

Why?
Why does someone who love me dearly make me choose?

Knowing that I want him so bad as well.

Why?
Why?

Never felt like that before.
I dont wanna lose you.
But I think I did.
I lost you already.

I am crying so hard.
I feel like i am gonna die of crying.

1:19 AM;