{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Sunday, February 12, 2012

title:{Selfish}

I should stop crying because

It makes you feel upset

It makes you upset that I am upset.

You dont seem upset when I cry.

You are more like angry.

you still can scold me.

Affected? Doesnt seem like it.

And you're not doing anything to make me stop crying.

All you can say is "stop crying, why are you crying?"

Seems to me you think I am a cry baby, who cry for every single shit.

Cry yesterday, why today must cry again.

As though crying is wrong.

And now you think I am using it against you to make you feel guilty.

If you think so, then let it be.

To you, I am a bitch who uses such method to make you guilty.

It's how i release my emotions.

Stopping the tears, doesnt mean everything its okay.

You want me to hide the tears? Fine.

12:46 AM;

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

title:{Bringing out the worst in me.}

You want me to speak my mind.
I did.
Then?
If only I knew why, I would have told you why.

What's with all the negativity?
when I used to be positive, or at least I think I was.
Maybe that is how I am, maybe for now or forever.
Or with the lousy attitude that I had.
A side of me no one would really know.
After knowing this side of me, and knowing that there is a possibility I would remain like that
Would you love me less or love me the same?
Is that the Huijing you knew? or the Huijing you once loved?

If it was that Huijing that you knew in the past,
Would you still love her the same?
I dont think so.
Think hard and fast about why you love me in the first place?
Remembering how I was like in the past, bubbly, cheerful.
Would you still love me now, hoping that I would be the same person you knew in the past.
Right now, I am just a negative depressed person who cant practise what she preach.
who cant exactly handle her own emotions, shows attitude as and when she like.
I wouldnt even want to love someone like me. why would you?
Are you in love with how I was like in the past, or how I am like as a person?

Somehow, this relationship brings out the worst in me.
Maybe it was always in me? Or Maybe I am changing?
And Sometimes I wonder if the changes is a good thing.
I am not exactly sure how and why I am feeling now.
All this negativity, I wonder how I am gonna be okay.
Somehow, I know its wearing you down.
Maybe it would be a good thing to shut up when I need to rant.

11:31 PM;

Monday, January 30, 2012

title:{what can we not quarrel abt.}

FUCKING QUASH ALSO CAN FIGHT WITH ME.

Serious. what can we not fight about?

dont play then dont play la. it doesnt matter if I want to play what.

Because if you dont want to play, then what is the point of playing.

The point is I ALREADY FUCKING LEFT THE PLACE.

Means I already fucking over it that I am not playing quash.

SO WHY ARE YOU FREAKING HARPING ON THE GODDAMN PROCESS.

when I already ask you to stop harping on it already.

IT DOESNT MATTER. I am not a sucker for quash okay.

Its not like I will die also.

If you dont want to play, then nvm lo,

I also dont play.

Like you wan me to stand up on the train stand lo,

Like you dont want to play, then I also dont play lo.

One for all, all for one. isnt it so.

According to your theory.

THE MOST IMPT THING! not abt the fucking theory.

I AM ALREADY FUCKING OVER IT.

WHY ARE YOU HARPING ON SMTH THAT I AM FUCKING OVER IT ALREADY.

the fact i chose to leave, its my problem what. and I nv blame you for not being able to play quash what. so why you harping on it? yeah, so just SHUT IT already. stop talking abt it. because its OVER.

Or you wan to turn back time.

or next time dont do it again?

It's like your sucky gf cannot do what you want again. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

stand up with you on the train - I am a lazy bum, I like to sit

speak softer to you - I always talk loud, its not like you dunno.

wan bu qi de gf - that's how I am, deal with it.

sit beside you all the time - I am that insenstive

take initiative to talk first - because your tired? because I make you angry first.

the list goes on la I cant fking rmb.

So many things, then why?

So with all that, are you gonna accept me? or say me everyday until I change?

all you care abt is pointing my imperfections and teaching me how to be YOUR BETTER Girlfriend, the kind of gal you want.

Everything also say say say. Your gf fake one ah, Your gf got feelings okay.

How would you feel? Everyday got something to say about what you do. how you feel?

Everytime I also in the wrong. then you always right.

Everyday quarrel, unhappy, temper, dont talk. freaking vicious cycle, And you think its okay.

It makes me feel fucking lousy you know. Like I am never gd enough to be your gf. like I am damn fucking jiat lat, cannot make you happy kind, or you just got alot of things you wanna gei gao.

And sometimes I just feel you damn gei gao.

Because sometimes, its not even necessary la. thats how I am. Give and take la.

But seems like things I do always got problem la.

I am not like you. everything must confront confront confront.

Yeah my turn to change for the better right.

Because I am as worse as can be.

not like your fucking ideal gf right.

8:56 PM;

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

title:{}

yan lei wei she me bu zhen qi.

hurts the most when the truth hits you.

That you are going lose it all.
That perhaps we werent not meant to be.
That perhaps it wasnt meant for me.
That I wasnt ready to love. like how ready you were to do the same for me.
That there's a possibility that I am losing someone who love me the most.
That I cannot find someone else like you.
That I wasnt meant for love.
That I perhaps deserve to be alone because I am incapable of loving someone.
That this is my tolerance, and how far I can go for someone.
That perhaps for every relationship, it will end up this way.
That I am in fact very weak.

Let it out, clear your thoughts
Convince yourself, and you will stop crying.

Apart of me want to believe in fate,
that maybe, just maybe.
we could changed for each other.
and we can get back tgt in the future.
If we are really meant to be.
Just maybe.

1:50 AM;

Saturday, November 19, 2011

title:{Anger}

Guess I am always a source of your frustration and anger.

Why are you always angry with me?

Am I that unbearable? Why are you unhappy with me? Is there anytime when you are happy with me?

Life's too short for frustrations.

And I am your source of frustrations.

I wonder if you ever thought how your anger and frustrations would have an impact on me.

Will I be able to take all this? And eventually, what happens?

2:47 AM;

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

title:{}

Do whatever you deem fit seriously. I dont need all this right now.

You are doing this to yourself. Not me.

Just hope that you are studying.

3:34 PM;

title:{}

It's the small little things that kill us slowly. Not the big ones. The big ones just make us want to end it all.

It's about choice. Whether you let it affect you or not.
I choose not to let it affect me.

Don't understand.
I think i never will.

When will I start blogging about happy stuff?

4:54 AM;

Friday, October 28, 2011

title:{}

If you have a problem, deal with it.
Dont ask people to deal with it for you.
You're the one with the problem, not me or them.

Instead of keep asking people to make the change,
What else can you do besides say " I dont like "
Just because you dont like, people must make the change?
or should have you been taking the change for granted?

You dont see the need to make the change in yourself?

Next thing you will ask me, What change have you made?

Not going for the progs outing. because If I could, I would have gone for every.
I would want to be there for everything.
That's my change.

Or not enough?
Give in to everything you say?
Is that what you consider change?

What is yours?

5:37 PM;